Politics is for Suckers

I dislike the words “politics” and “political” because when they are applied to specific topics, a large swath of the population stops paying attention. “I’m not into politics” or “I’m not really political” they say before disregarding the offending subject matter. I prefer to use the labels “Shit That Fucking Matters” or “Fucked Up Shit The Government’s Doing” or similarly phrased declarations of Important! Because you’re being screwed. I understand how dull & confusing the shit can be when uninterested, but need I remind y’all about civic duty? I do my best to ‘splain the situation whenever I can, but there are some things that go so far over my head that I can’t even front like I know what’s up. Such is the case with Obama’s stimulus package-stuff. What the hell is going on? The mainstream media keeps telling me it’s socialism, but I learned long ago that “socialism” is just another Boogey Man intended to distract us Average Folk (like “terrorist”, “Communist”, “pacifist”). Lucky for me, there are like-minded ladies on the Web with the knowledge I seek! Follow THIS LINK to What Tami Said & her first post demystifing the Obama budget from a lay-man’s perspective. She breaks it down on the Department of Housing & Urban Development – their chunk of the budget cash, what it’s being spent on, what the White House plans on doing… Thanks for the schoolin’.

 

I fucking love South Park. They always make sure remind us just how fucking ridiculous we actually are by calling out our social quirks with that unrelenting, vulgar tone that I adore so! Peep the clip on Purity Rings, starring the Jonas Brothers & a pissed off Mickey Mouse, CEO.

For fun-zees, watch the Obama Inauguration celebrations in the Park & giggle with me!

the Obama Celebrations in South Park
by paraoliv

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do But For God Sakes, Dude, Quit Whining!

One of my Go To Complaints about the male species is their inability to take emotional trauma in stride. Pretty much any straight guy over the age of 23 has some tale of heartbreak, that One Girl that did them dirty, & dudes refuse to get the fuck over it. Aside from a small hand full of men that are Don Juans or terminal playboys, it seems that they all are damaged goods (to one degree or another).

Guys will carry a torch for their first love well past it’s expiration date & they swear that they are “over her” or they “fucking hate that bitch”, but catch them on one of those good nostalgic drunk evenings & they spill their guts about how they still love her & yadda-yadda. Trust me on this one: there are few things more pathetically heart-wrenching than watching a full grown bloke whimper about his long-lost lover. Witnessing that shit makes you buy into the whole dramatic storyline that this villainess shattered his heart, to no fault of his own, just because she wanted to hurt the poor boy. All you can say in response to his tale of woe is “What a bitch!”

If the afflicted male isn’t the cry-baby type, his first heartbreak might manifest itself as a fear of commitment, the belief that all women are vile & predatory, or the adoption of a “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes & tricks” mentality. None of these outcomes are desirable, since the rest of us females that eventually hang out with, date, or otherwise interact with these emotional cripples have to deal with bullshit we didn’t even cause! Can I get an Amen, sisters?

This is not to say that women never cling to the edifice of a failed relationship or over-dramatize a break-up to epic proportions (I’ve been guilty of that shit before), but it seems to me that women are better at healing their broken hearts & getting on with their lives than men are. Or at least, we’re quicker. I have loved & lost; I’ve been cheated on & been driven to cheating myself; I’ve been publically embarrassed & shamed by a lover; I’ve even lost friends, homes, possessions, and dignity in the process. BUT I haven’t condemned the entire male species for the actions of one (or two) bastards! Maybe I’m an optimist or maybe I’ve taken a healthy approach to heartache & dealt with it, rather than carrying my romantic failings around with me for all eternity. For you male Readers out there in Internet Land, let me explain how that works:

1. Initially, heartbreak fucking hurts & it’s supposed to. Grieve, cry, sulk, MySpace stalk, drive-by her house at odd hours, get piss-ass wasted & drunk dial all you want in the early stages of a break-up. This is totally acceptable behavior for the first couple months. Feel it, Dude.

2. Rid your home of pictures, sentimental items, and mutually acquired possessions. Box ‘um up & hide ‘um away, if you can’t bring yourself to toss the shit out. If you cannot discuss a particular item in your home without mentioning Her, it should be removed from your sight.

3. Divvy up mutual friends. It sucks but everyone eventually has to pick a side. Especially if it’s a messy break-up.

4. DO NOT JUMP INTO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE IMMEDIATELY, just to dull the pain. Fuck people, Yes! Whore about town all you want! But do not get serious for awhile. It’s not fair to the new girl, you won’t get rid of the baggage from your previous entanglement, & it’s just a Bad Idea.

5. Do your best to acknowledge mistakes you made, because it’s the only way you can improve yourself & avoid a string of Groundhog’s Day relationships. Owning up to your faults is therapeutic & it will keep you from habitually calling your ex a “crazy bitch”. Women are totally turned off by a guy that only has evil shit to say about his former girlfriends. And, it is partially your fault, believe it or not! Even if she fucked her way across the U.S.A. like she was a porn-version of Lewis and Clark, there is something that you could have done better too! 

6. TALK. Find a sympathetic ear & use it ASAP. Sort the shit out with a mate & you won’t feel the need to bring it up in a drunken rant to a stranger later on.

7. Don’t buy into that bullshit about there only being one person out there for you. That “Meant to be”, “Love of my Life” baloney belongs in Hollywood chick-flicks & in fairy tales. Do you realize how many people are out there? Way too many to believe One Love is all we are granted in this life! If you’re lucky, there will be several.

8. If you really were dating a horrible bitch, re-think the type of skirts you’ve been chasing. Don’t fawn over the high maintenance bitches, the slutty bar flies, the physically violent fire crackers, or whatever your poison maybe. Variety is the spice of life, you know?

9. Remember that re-telling your break up story to every female you attempt to bed is not a good pimpin’ strategy. Girls talk & that kind of shit might get back to your ex. You will boost her ego & make yourself look like an ass.. PLUS you probably won’t get laid to boot!

10. Do whatever you have to do to get over it. Really get over it, not just avoid talking about it! Pretending it never happened isn’t healthy, neither is re-living your heartache every time a girl talks to you. Process the pain, evaluate the situation, heal the wounds & move the fuck on. On behalf of the Single Women of the World, I am begging you.

Anal Asshole

There is this dude (or dudette… maybe?) that resides in my hometown of Stockton, California & he is politically, spiritually, and unequivocally opposed to homosexual behavior. Gay marriage, anal sex, and equal adoption policies drive this fella up the wall. I know this because he hand-paints crude and explicit statements expressing his beliefs, then rolls about town with the sign affixed to the back of his truck (complete with American flags, swaying in the breeze). His exercise of free speech is not the Yes on 8! variety of homophobic baloney. It’s obviously-closeted self-hate kind of explicit crap that serves no public interest other than exhibiting how fucking ridiculous people can be. The Sign Guy is a part of the Central Stockton scenery and has been for sometime, because I’ve been aware of his antics for several years now. His Constitutional right to spew his hatefully creepy anti-gay propaganda via truck bed is protected & I respect that. Along the same vein, so is my right to discuss his public displays of homophobic hate speech and mock the ridiculousness of this Anal Asshole’s mindset. Welcome to the first installment of Anal Asshole: Ignorance in Motion.

Picture taken by Ms. sherockmarie (of Cousin fame). Investigative work brought to you by maryjanefoxie & Co. Enterprises.

 

Let us consider the arguments that Anal Asshole brings to the table:

1. Anal – homosex is being taught to children.

2. This is shocking enough to warrant a “Wow” qualifier.

3. That the “Younger & Baby And You” need to be protected from the horrors of Anal –Homosex being taught to children.

4. This sentiment is reflected in the Holy Bible (“the holy fucking bible, Son!”) in Matthew 18:6.

Things that make you go “For reals, dude? You’re, like, serious & shit?”. Just to clarify, Matthew 18:6 reads

“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (King James Version)

This biblical passage is, according to some, about the physical or sexual abuse of children & how a person that harms the “little ones” is better off dead. Considering this understanding…

5. Anal Asshole thinks that the Anal – homosex threat is harmful to the “little ones” & ought to be punished by death, if possible.

 

I wonder if A.A. read the rest of the gospel of Matthew, or the Bible for that matter. I am a casual observer of the Christian faith and I’m pretty sure that I Anal – homosex isn’t a big theme of the Good Book, what with Forgiveness, Love, and Christ-like behavior being higher on the list of biblical To-Do’s. I’m going to take it a step further with my assumptions and suggest that A.A. has little understanding of how the educational system works in the state of California, since I am clueless as to when he thinks we teach anal –homosex technique to minors (is that what the boys do in the other room during elementary school sex education? We learned about tampons & they got pointers on fucking? What a jip!). Anal Asshole reminds me of these guys…

Or this guy…

I open the subject of Stockton’s Own Anal Asshole: What do you think? Spotted him around town lately? Send me a picture of his latest sign or leave some PFLAG flyers in his truck bed if ever you’re in his Eden Park neighborhood. 

UPDATE: No sign observed tonight. Maybe tonight is his brainstorming evening, devoted to making up his next bigoted bullshit line & painting the new sign. Write that down.

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring…

And I have already tidied up the living quarters (hung up my clothes, even!), washed all the dirty dishes that have been mounting in my sink for the past week (or two?), and busted out the Swiffer for a quick once-over the kitchen floor. I entertained myself for a half-hour or so by watching my neighbor’s domestic spat, that they were kind enough to act out in the middle of the street, directly beneath my huge kitchen windows (they ain’t got shit on my folks!). I’ve sent a few derogatory text messages; I’ve re-painted my toe nails (hot pink); I’ve smoked the two cigarettes I allot myself daily; I’ve enjoyed a few episodes of Veronica Mars (Season Two). All of this & it’s only 6 o’clock! How the fuck do I intend to waste the day’s remaining hours? At the moment, I’m partial to drinking booze & reviewing current events via my blog. So, let’s jump right in…

 

* I’ve already done Burning Man twice. I’ve hit up Hempfest. I was lucky enough to enjoy one afternoon at Seattle’s Reggae on the Waterfront. But DAMN IT! I want to experience South by Southwest! All those commentaries, videos, & what not that lucky folks have been posting from SXSW have really sparked my envy. Next year, I’m doing that. I mean, just look how wiped out Ann & Samhita from feministing are in this Friday Feminist Fuck You from SXSW! Appears to be my kinda’ fun & I am totally down with the sausage-fest of which they speak.

 

*   I’m a little slow on the jump here, but can’t resist pointing out the ridiculousness of the Pope and his opinions about condoms increasing AIDs in Africa. It never ceases to amaze me just how authoritative his Pope-i-ness thinks he really is when it comes to sex, since the man is a life-long abstainer from the deed & he kicks it with similarly afflicted dudes all day. Never the less, Pope Benedict XVI feels he is the dude most qualified to dictate the sexual mores of the Catholic Church without, as far as I know, consulting anyone that actually uses their No-No Parts as God intended. Anyhow, his latest opinion is that the Catholic Church is on the “forefront of the battle against AIDs” because they know that the spread of HIV across the African continent cannot be tamed by distribution of condoms & doing so actually exacerbates the problem. Wow. Did anybody explain to the guy how AIDs, HIV, or sex actually works? Someone should. When more than 22 million people are infected with the HIV virus in Sub-Saharan Africa and 1/5 of the continent’s population are Roman Catholic, it seems awfully callous and ridiculous to diss condoms & claim that a “responsible and moral attitude toward sex” will help fight the disease. Silly, silly naive clergymen! Speak on what you know, Dah-lings! In case a reminder is needed, The Catholic Church ain’t exactly in a position to advocate “moral attitude[s] toward sex”, what with the whole alter boy molestation stuff. Then there was the recent excommunication of priests that supported a nine-year old rape victim’s abortion, even though giving birth to her step father’s twins posed a direct threat to the little girl’s life. That ain’t exactly the morally correct stance, as I see it. PB XVI really oughta’ think about how fucked it is to put religious dogma ahead of people’s lives before spouting this kind of bullshit, y’know? BTW, Is that a drag queen with the Pope?

 

*  Rolling Stone released their list of 100 People That Are Changing America & only a piddly-shit 15 of those 100 people are females (only two of which are women of color). I can agree with the inclusion of Melanie Sloan (#82), founder of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, and Wafaa El-Sadr (#76), director of the International Center for AIDS Care and Treatment Programs at Columbia University, because these chicas are putting in work for the betterment of humankind. And I’m down with giving it up for Rachel Maddow (#22) since she is not only a top rated female primetime news anchor, but also an out lesbian, making her as rare as they come on American TV & improving the whole representation in the media thang. Ditto for Arianna Huffington (#10) from the Huffington Post, Tina Fey (#8) in the sphere of comedy, and M.I.A. (#11) in the world of pop music. But apparently, country music teen star Taylor Swift (#100) is changing this nation because she behaves her self in public and Kate Winslet (#51) is noted for not fitting the stereotypical Hollywood mold. Wow! These ladies aren’t out-of-control party girl starlets! Let’s give them a fucking Nobel!

 

* And for your comedic amusement… Thank You Fail Blog!

Journal of a Collector

I love and hate Men. Sometimes, I even pull off both seemingly opposite emotions at the same time. I love how men look, how they talk, how they smell, how they think. I hate how they don’t have to earn their dominance, how they discount my ideas and opinions based solely on my gender, how they think they understand me before they’ve even bothered to get to know me. There is nothing as attractive and aggravating than a self assured man. This, Dear Reader, is part of why us straight females are certifiably fucking crazy. At the risk of sounding like a hypocritical bigot, here are some other observations on the male species that I have accumulated in my travels in the wasteland that is Stockton’s singles scene.

1. No matter how much a guy says he likes strong & independent women, being one of these women puts you at a disadvantage. You run the risk of intimidating them, of emasculating them, of pissing them off just by being yourself. And that, My Dears, does not get you laid.

2. Black men seem to view me & my peers as trophies and marks. Maybe we represent a come-up, like pulling one of us White Girls is a Fuck You to White America. Dominating & pimping a white girl seems to be an ego related endeavor. Why is this? Whatever the reason, I’m done giving black guys my number because I’ve been disappointed every time & I don’t want to embed racist thoughts in my dome.

3. Middle Eastern men flirt with girls like me but they never bother to even get our number. Maybe it’s because they assume I think their al-Qaeda, maybe it’s because they don’t me attractive, or maybe it’s some other reason BUT either way, I am not having any luck pulling my own Slumdog Millionaire.

4. White guys are the easiest to offend with my aggressive personality and feminist ideology. Maybe it’s the same knee jerk reaction that makes them anti-affirmative action, anti-welfare, and anti-prison reform. Maybe it’s not. I don’t know yet, but I’m determined to figure this one out.

5. Younger men appreciate attention from females more. Older ones are more likely to be bitter and jaded.

6. Guys with girlfriends are fun-er and more interesting in bed, but single ones are more likely to sleep over and aren’t worried about scratches and bite marks, so fucking them is less worrisome.

7. Men that refer to their exes as Bitches, Whores, or Fucking Crazy are more likely to treat you like shit. Men that love their mothers make the best lovers.

8. Men that listen to Mad Guy/Sad Guy ballads kill my libido. Even more so than those that listen to Country music.

9. Cuddling is a trait of those still hung up on their ex.

10. I am better off approaching men while drunk, because their flaws are so much less annoying while wasted. I’m sure this has much more to do with me than it does with them.

My Make Believe Political Marriage

Anyone that has ever had a conversation with me about California politics will have definitely discovered at least one thing. I loooove Gavin Newsom, the current mayor of San Francisco & (rumored) Democratic candidate for Governor in 2010. I am not usually that shallow when it comes to politics, but Newsom is oh-so-fine (for a politician), Clinton-esque charismatic, & left-leaning? That’s a triple-threat, in my book. He is officially my Make Believe Politician-Husband (not to be confused with my Make Believe Internet Boyfriend, Make Believe Soul Mate, or the slightly less imaginary, Make Believe Boyfriend). How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

(Left: G.N. @ an anti-Prop 8 rally   Below:Newsom @ 2007 Pride Parade)

1. Marijuana: The issue that politicized me was marijuana legalization & I still hold true to my beliefs on this one. I realize that outside California, medicinal marijuana & decriminalization sound like hippie pipe dreams & at the moment, pot may not be the biggest fish we’ve got to fry. Never the less, legalizing marijuana (or at least chilling the fuck out when it comes to pot related crimes) is important because locking folks up for smoking or distributing such a harmless drug is just downright cruel & counter-productive in a state with such overcrowded prisons. That is why I adore Newsom’s stance on marijuana being part of his platform. At a Santa Cruz rally, Newsom said he would “unequivocally” support medicinal marijuana legislation as Governor of this great state.

2. Support for Same Sex Marriage: No mayor of SF could get away with dissing the Castro, but Newsom has taken the issue on as a personal political crusade & that, Dear Readers, is commendable in this age rank with corrupt bastardization of “values”. In early 2004, Newsom (can I just call you “Gavin”?) ordered the city to grant a marriage license to any couple requesting one. The move led to years of legal wrangling that resulted in May’s state Supreme Court decision declaring a fundamental “right to marry” in California that extends to couples of the same sex.

3. Environmental Crusader: He started a program to recycle restaurant waste into biodiesel that will eventually power a fleet of city vehicles, and he hired a global warming “czar” to find ways for San Francisco to reduce its carbon footprint. The city, under Newsom, joined the Kyoto Protocol.

4. Poverty Solutions: He made the city of San Francisco the first in the country to provide universal access to healthcare for its residents, regardless of their ability to pay. His Care Not Cash program has gotten many homeless people into the city’s assisted care shelters and slashed the tax payers burden by a third. He created the San Francisco Homeless Outreach Team (SF HOT) and Project Homeless Connect (PHC). SF HOT functions as a short-term intensive case management team, assisting the most disabled homeless individuals to access health, social and housing services. PHC consists of bimonthly events that bring together a host of public and private services at one location, making it easier for homeless individuals to connect with a number of services under one roof. Both of these programs have worked to move homeless people into permanent, supportive housing.

5. Considers himself a disciple of the Dianne Feinstein-style of California politics: Feinstein’s our senior home-girl in the Senate & one of my personal favorite politicians. Anyone using  her as the barometer of their political leanings is OK in my book. Feinstein did jump his shit for his gay marriage pre-emptive strike being so close to Kerry’s 2004 Presidential bid, but really? Kerry would have lost regardless & I refuse to believe that D.F. is ignorant to that truth!

6. Respects the Unions: On October 27, 2004, during a strike by hotel workers on a dozen San Francisco hotels, Newsom joined UNITE HERE union members on a picket line in front of the Weston St. Francis Hotel. He vowed that the city would boycott the hotels by not sponsoring city events in any of them until the hotels agreed to a contract with workers.

7. Respects the Immigrant as a Person, not a Problem: On April 23, 2007, Newsom again drew national attention when he announced at a community action held by the San Francisco Organizing Project that he would do everything he could to discourage federal authorities from conducting immigration raids. Newsom supported city identification cards for illegal immigrants in 2007 to allow them access to city services and to be able to set up bank accounts in the city.

8. Is A Bleeding Heart, Too!: He’s against corporal punishment, favors gun control,AND he thinks affordable health care & funding education should be California’s top priorities. *sigh*

(ABOVE:Newsom & real-life wife, Jennifer Siebel, @ 2008 Pride Parade  RIGHT: G.N. partying in SF, 2007)

 

I think G.N.’s greatest selling point is that he appears to genuinely give a fuck about the welfare of his constituents, or at least he respects his office enough to primarily use it to benefit the people he governs. Plus, he’s hot like Ferris Bueller and doesn’t California deserve a hottie-Governor? Good for the ego & the image, no?

An Unspoken Tragedy

There are few things that make me sadder than discovering my current boy is a clumsy, awful lay. All the great qualities and desirable traits in the world can’t make up for faulty technique in the bedroom. It really is tragic, folks. Especially since the male ego’s fragile nature is well known in straight girl circles, so all too often shitty lovers are let off the hook by female after female because none of us have the guts to crush his self-esteem by telling him how terrible he actually is. I’ll even admit that I am guilty of faking it, just to wrap things up, then shit talking with friends instead of peeping dude up on game. I haven’t got the time or the will to train a guy! So, until now, I’ve been throwing the dunces back into the pile like everyone else; shirking my responsibility to better the sex-scape for everyone, like a lazy bastard. I guess I deserved my recent run-in with a faulty fling! In an effort to improve my carnal karma, I’ve compiled a list of the most common qualms us gals have with lousy lovers with the hope that some clueless guy might use the heads up to step up his game. Another possibility is the list is read by the chick that clueless dude’s been fucking (badly) and she is inspired to seek greener pastures. If this is the case, Dear Reader, would you mind tagging that man before setting him loose in the wild? Y’know, so the rest of us can easily identify & avoid him? With all the pornography available to & made for straight guys, considering the fact that our society is geared towards fulfilling male fantasies, and taking into account the fact that men have been thinking about little more than sex since they were adolescents… I have no sympathy for men that are useless in bed. They’ve had every opportunity to figure it out & if they’ve made it to this point in adulthood without the necessary skills, that is hardly my fault. Or my responsibility to rectify. Anyhow, I’m not teaching class here; just pointing out the misspelled words. So, here they are, off the top of my head…

The Sex-Related Shit Straight Men Ought to Know By Now

1. The clitoris is not a dick. Do not approach her as such.

2. Trimming your pubes is not metro-sexual. It’s a prerequisite to getting sexual.

3. If all of her clothes are off, yours should be too. Unless it is a quickie-type situation (in which case, partial undress is acceptable & kinda hot). Men that keep their shirts on are obviously unaware of the fact that straight females find torsos attractive. Men that keep their pants partially on are obviously used to post-coital fast get-aways & that can’t be good (unless your husband is expected home soon). Keeping socks on is alright, but unattractive. As a rule: if you didn’t have enough time to remove your clothes before the deed was done, you didn’t get her off. 

4. You need seduction skills (Super Mad Game, even!) and a clear green light from her to go anywhere near the ass. Do not talk about anal sex in terms that suggest pain, idiots. I know pornos would have you believe that women are just dying to have their asses “pounded” or what not, but scary anal sex scenes are exactly why us chicks avoid watching porn! Think about getting fucked in your ass & consider the delicate nature of the situation prior to opening your mouth with regards to the subject.

5. Unless you are told otherwise by your partner or the situation is unavoidable, do not ejaculate on her. It’s common courtesy. Especially when a shower afterwards is not an option. Are you cool running around sporting jizz on your person? If not, assume that she feels the same. If so, all I can say is “ew. gross.” 

6. I don’t know how small breasted women feel about this, but us ample chested ladies are not OK with you biting our tits. It’s not pleasurable, it’s not attractive, and it’s not nice. I have hauled off and punched a dude for pulling that shit. 

7. Learn to give decent face or don’t even bother. I’ve known plenty of ladies that were turned off to the entire practice, because one dude was so embarrassingly awful that he fucked it up for everyone else. If she tells you she doesn’t even like oral after you have just gone down on her, you are that embarrassingly awful guy. For shame.  

8. We do not take it as a compliment when you come too fast. Once in awhile is understood, but you better have a back-up plan. When you pull a Quick Draw McGraw, we are left with the female equivalent of Blue Balls and we start thinking all kinds of mean shit about you. Don’t let the smile & the “It’s OK, Really!” fool you.

9. There is a fine line between men that watch enough porn and men that watch way too much. We can tell the difference, btw. A man that watches enough porn is interesting and fun in bed. A man that watches too much is the sexual equivalent of a Dungeons and Dragons nerd. Don’t let this be you!

10. Lovemaking that results in bite marks, scratches, welts, rug burns, hickies, bruising, or other visible markings had better be hot. If the tell-tale signs of doing the nasty can be seen when she’s in her work uniform & she’s already applied all the concealer that she can, the sex had better have been phenomenal. Trust me, you have better things to do than suck on her neck.

Thank you for listening. Now, let me turn over the floor to Tastiskank for our final remarks on the subject:

 

The Watchmen: All the Blue Penises one girl can wish for

Last night, I saw The Watchmen at a local theatre & I still feel dirty. “Dirty” like I’ve been exposed to something that good little boys & girls should never have to witness. Why do I feel this way? It isn’t the film’s depiction of a U.S.A. ran by a four term President Nixon, although the thought did inspire a bit of nausea. It wasn’t the original Silk Spectre’s nostalgic reflection on the attempted rape she survived, although that was rough to witness. It wasn’t the annoyingly miss-matched & inappropriately timed coupling of the current Silk Spectre & the retired Night Owl, even if those sexy scenes were embarrassingly awkward. It wasn’t the pointless name dropping (Lee Iacocca? WTF?), the fact that Rorschach looked like Danny Bonoduchi, or the constant reminders that “the Soviets”/“the Commies" are major threats to America in The Watchmen’s alternate universe (we understood after a few mentions, no need to bring it up EVERY fucking scene!). The reason I feel so bothered by The Watchmen was all those blue, glowing, Dr. Manhattan dicks. I can honestly say that I have never seen so many blue penises in my life. It is possible that I have never seen that many regularly colored dicks in my life, but I definitely haven’t seen that many blue ones. There was even a scene which had at least six (maybe more) blue dicks on the screen at once! Gratuitous male nudity, much? I need awhile to process all those images of radioactive male genitalia before I am able to judge The Watchmen on it’s cinematic merits. I may need speak to a trauma councilor or something, because there are some images a girl can’t just bounce back from. An onslaught of blue cock is one of them.

** I was impressed with the opening sequence though!

Quit bullshittin’

Today's annoyance? Lazy citizenship! Everyone is so willing to watch American politics from the sidelines, the bleachers even! Meanwhile, the economy goes down the tubes, civil rights were eroded under our very noses, and we’re stuck in several military engagements that none of us actually wanted! Under our watch, the wealthiest Americans have bilked the rest of us out of our rightful piece of the proverbial pie & left generations ahead holding the bill for their excesses. While you, I, and Joe the Plummer slept at the wheel, America was fucking hijacked! This time around, the hijackers looked like A.G. Spanos instead of Lucky @ the Liquor Store, but that is no excuse! The security breach was massive, a total intelligence failure, & someone must be held accountable! Honestly, that “someone” can only be John Q. Public (and his female equivalent). The late, great Molly Ivins explains it best in the introduction to her 2004 bestseller Who Let the Dogs In?: Incredible Political Animals I Have Known, & I won't attempt to improve upon greatness, so:

“ You have more political power than 99 percent of all the people who have ever lived on this planet.
You can not only vote, you can register other people to vote, round up your friends, get out and do
political education, talk to people, laugh with people, call the radio, write the paper, write your
elected representative, use your e-mail list, put up signs, march, volunteer, and raise hell. All
your life, no matter what else you do - butcher, baker, beggar man, thief/doctor, lawyer, Indian chief -
you have another job, another responsibility: You are a citizen. It is an obligation that requires
attention and effort. And on top of that, you should make it into a hell of a lot of fun."

Damned right! Now-a-days, it should be entertaining to engage in politics! Us Modern Americans have it easy! It ain’t like we have to fight a fucking Revolution against the greatest military force the world had ever seen! Now, that was an era when political participation required some fucking effort! Remember that we don’t have to pit ourselves against ruthless Pinkerton strikebreakers in bloody battle to earn the right to organize into labor unions & we won’t have to spend eighty-plus years petitioning the government for the right to vote & we won’t have to take citizenship tests to “prove” our worthiness to our own government… but generations before us did have to deal with those kind of things. The citizens that came before us, that fought & died before we even hit the scene, did their part to make sure that America had a future. How fucking shitty is it for us to drop the ball now, in the age of the Internet and 24-hour News networks, no less?

I understand how difficult it is to step outside the safe & comfortable political affiliation bubble you are so used to and actually think about issues independently, but It Is Your Duty. Just to start you off on the right foot, here are a few news no-no’s. It is not important to discuss Octo-Mom’s future in parenthood or pornography. Who gives a shit if professional athletes use steroids & why waste time with congressional hearings on the subject? The upper-class’ financial woes do not reflect our own (or those of the majority), so fuck reflecting on how sad Brent and Bunny must be to part with their vacation property or to skip summer in Cabo this year. Some things we should be contemplating, include…

THE PRISON SYSTEM: It is bad, y’all. Not bad, as in “We can do better, Guys!”. It’s bad, as in “Hey! That 3000 lbs. pile of dog shit really smells fucking bad!”. According to the most recent Pew statistics, 1 in every 31 American adults are caught up in the system; either incarcerated in a prison or jail,paroled or on probation. Regardless of your political ideology, you have to admit that something is wrong when The Land of the Free is locking up 1 in every 9 of it’s black men, aged 19 to 34. Correctional departments (I hate that term) eat up more of the state’s budgets than is allotted to education, elementary through college level. Incarcerating so many of our nation’s Mommies & Daddies undoubtedly effects the neighborhoods they leave behind by reducing household income from employment or child support payments, by reducing State, County, or City income from sales taxes, income taxes, property taxes, etc., by leaving children without one or both parental figures… It’s pretty bad, y’all. So, what to do? Lighten up on low-risk, non-violent offenders? Toss out 3 Strikes legislation? Rely heavier on drug courts & treatment programs? Re-evaluate the severity of some of our sentencing guidelines? Institute evangelical programs like Prayer in the Prisons or Locked Down with Our Lord (I made those both up! Sound real though, huh?)? Think people! Fuck WWJD, it’s all about What Would You Do? What Should Uncle Sam Do?

SURVIVING THE SLUGGISH ECONOMY: Cuts have to be made & belts tightened in these fucked fiscal times, but we’ve got to be paying attention to the serious Dick Moves some politicians are pulling to address the economic situation! It is not OK to save a few pennies by cutting off the social services safety-net! It’s wrong to humiliate poor kids with unpaid school lunch tabs by putting them on blast & serving them cold cheese sandwiches until their folks pay up (HERE). It’s not right to underfund the Violence Against Women Act, that provides some funds for domestic violence shelters but also sets aside money for a wide range of other services relating to sexual and domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. Especially when we know that incidents of domestic violence increase during economic stress! Just look at THIS bullshit for proof that we need all the help we can get on the domestic violence front. Also, can we agree to no longer tolerate THIS mean & hateful bullshit from Michelle Malkin? People that don’t see housing as a fundamental need & those that think it’s appropriate to class-bash the poor (when we dole out billions to the rich) are way too big of Fucking Assholes to have a fan base. Let’s think of some productive, compassionate solutions to the cash crisis instead of pointing fingers at broke folk & cutting funds where they are totally needed. Ideas?

 

Handle the biz, holla’ at your peeps, & what not. Figure it out folks! It’s our right & our responsibility. Follow THIS link to some handy contact information.

Marketing the Gender, Selling us “Sex”, & Other Thoughts About the Human Male

“There probably ain't one woman on Earth who hasn't considered this,
Men are from another planet, How can we possibly co-exist?                                                                                                                     They came from Mars, Women came from Venus,
We think with our brains, Men think with their penis,
Every stereotype has a little bit of truth!                                                                                                                                                                 There's a staircase of evidence, if you needed some proof!
I’m perplexed by the opposite sex; I'll tell you what's next,                                                                                                                      Where I'm gonna direct my love And affection?

I'm gonna get with a woman. You know I might as well,                                                                                                                              I'm'a tell every single guy who be hollerin they can go to hell                                                                                                                 Gonna make her my bride, even though we on the same side,                                                                                                                     Our lips gonna collide when we walk down the aisle                                                                                                                                 Gonna get with a woman and my ex's will be crying cause the ceremony all set                                                                                        But it won't be so bad. I don't mean to diss, I know I'll be missed,                                                                                                       Anyway, guys like when girls kiss!”

                                                                                          - “Guys Like When Girls Kiss“ / Little Jackie

 

THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT STRAIGHT MEN FROM ADVERTISING, the ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, the MEDIA…..    as Opposed To  What I’ve Learned Through Study & Observation of The Species***

1. Guys totally like it when girls kiss! When they kiss while drunk dancing, DOUBLE POINTS! Dressed like college cheerleaders? GUY HEAVEN!! DUDE!     Some guys like the whole porno-esque bi-sluttiness bullshit, basically making you jump through hoops to prove how much you want to please him & keeping it all hetero-oriented; a show for his enjoyment, rather than just watching the women actually being fulfilled by each other. Dude see’s that shit? Not good for the straight male’s spirit. Not good at all. (FYI: drunk dancing in costumes while making out with a chick is not only awkward, it’s sloppy & pathetic game. Forgivable only on Halloween, at night.)

2. Guys are uncivilized, unsanitary, lack decorating sense & hygiene concerns, are culinary morons, and would pretty much die off if somebody doesn’t tie him down by middle age. Some dudes are more image obsessed & concerned with the presentation than I have ever known a woman to be. Some keep their own houses (these men, apparently, don’t live in Stockton, but they do exist elsewhere, I’m told). Since men enjoy eating, they often are capable of making decent food (and manage to survive without Carl’s Jr.). If a guy is a reflection of the Ad Dude Stereotype, you should not attempt to fuck him. That “man” is a child.

3. Men are constantly available, ready, and willing to have sex. It is an undeniable impulse that they are powerless to dismiss. Women just don’t get it, because they don’t really want to fuck. They usually get coerced into it, tricked into it, sweet talked into it, or somehow conquered by the lecherous male!     Unlike the pussy, dicks don’t work sometimes. It happens. But the facade of infallible erections makes us women doubt our skills & dudes doubt their dude-ness. Sucky on all accounts because everyone places way more importance on Softy than it deserves. Men are in charge of the physical body, dicks included. They are not unwitting victims of Pussy Hypnotism. Some of them (many of them) are unable to control the demands of their egos & they blame that shit on their wayward dick, but it’s a bunk charge.  The whole idea that men always convince women to go against their better judgment when hooking up needs to be buried. Far too many men think they have game just because chicks fuck them, Not True! Respect the skills.

4. Boys think Girls have cooties & Dudes need lots of “GUY TIME”. This involves some male gender-exclusive socializing, consisting of any combination of the following: Beer / booze, football / basketball / baseball / golf / bowling / hockey and/or futball, foods that are grilled or deep fried or eaten with your fingers, viewing of half-naked or naked women at strip clubs / on porno / in the hotel / wet t-shirt contest, fixing & discussion of a manly machine such as a car or a riding mower. “GUY TIME” also involves convert operations, lying about location or recreation to one’s significant other is accepted, nay mandated unless you’re whipped! Also, “GUY TIME” is not gay.   Sometimes, GUY TIME is totally gay. Sometimes, it’s used as an excuse when lying to a girlfriend. Sometimes, guys want to communally kick it, similar to the way females do, other times folks are less picky when it comes to the number of X chromosomes a buddy has. Most of the time, when men hang out with each other, they spend the conversation on Peacock-like bullshit (comparing how great they are, things they have, what they did, who they & how they did her, what things the want or are about to do, who’s hustle is sickest, who got the most fucked up that one time in Allen’s basement… ) and the women in the room leave, because this shit is boring as fuck.     

5. ALL dudes “get” cars. Cars are a “guy thing”. Bullshit. That’s why my dad was always “fixing” his truck, rather than “driving” it.

 

 

*** Human test subjects were most definitely used in experiments. Some were even harmed. On several occasions. The sacrifices some men make for science; the pursuit of knowledge is paramount!

Slumdog Millionaire as reviewed by a Low Class Broke Ass

 

Thanks to the Cousin, I had the pleasure of seeing Slumdog Millionaire this evening. Y’ know how everyone keeps saying the film is “beautiful” and “moving”? That’s because it is. No bullshit, fuck the hype. This movie was good and, I think, worthy of its Oscars. I already had a thing for Dev Patel (the actor that played Jamal), ever since I watched his early shit on British television (a teen drama called Skins), so my assessment may be partially influenced by a mini-crush on the lead actor, I admit. I think M.I.A. is a badass & her music is featured throughout the flick (I “think” she’s a badass, because I don’t know for sure; I can’t actually understand a lot of her lyrics and I don’t know a whole lot about Sri Lankan refugee culture, so my opinion is based on the music I’ve been exposed to and the whole Performing @ the Grammys While 9 Months Pregnant thing. I’m pretty convinced she can be described as a badass…). The story itself appealed to my faith in the resiliency of the human spirit. People can experience some fucked up shit, be constantly exposed to the worst aspects of humanity, and still find beauty, love, compassion for other human beings. That’s beautiful shit right there! That “what makes life worth living” stuff, I suppose. Slumdog Millionaire made my heart hurt, as it should, with it’s portrayal of the ravages of poverty. Real fucking poverty is painful acknowledge & children getting hurt /exploited is tough to stomach; I must have uttered “Oh, that poor baby!” under my breath dozens of times during the movie. It takes a serious yank to my heartstrings for that kind of maternal response to surface, so trust in the fact that this movie is properly described as “moving”.

My viewing of Slumdog Millionaire was quite timely, since a conversation about the film has sprung up in the blogosphere today, addressing the film from a social justice stand point and a feminist perspective. Mitu Sengupta has written an Alternet commentary, titled “Slumdog Millionaire: A Hollow Message of Social Justice” , in which he highlights the film’s “dehumanizing view of those who live and work within the country’s slums” and “disempowering narrative about the poor”. Prior to reading the article, I hadn’t noticed the way the movie did take on it’s subject with a paternal & colonial-esque manner, but…come to think of it… India was portrayed as a Third World nation of victims. I agree that “it [Slumdog]grossly minimizes the capabilities and even the basic humanity of those it so piously claims to speak for.” The way slum life is depicted is similar to the condescending way movies have tried to portray life in the modern broke-ass American family or the life of a child raised by substance abusers. Meaning: they’re always 100% negative situations, forgetting all the good shit, & make me think the writer/director/whomever has never even been poor/high/etc. so are unqualified to speak on the subject. I’m totally feeling the gist of that article. Although, I think Australia stunk of paternalistic storytelling much more than Slumdog. Hands down!

The character of Latika set off feminist spidey senses at Feministing.com & Samitha discusses it in Slumdog Millionaire wins Picture of the Year!. A similar argument is made here; that the movie depicts her as helpless and without agency. The discussion is continued at Bitch, PhD. (Samhita on Slumdog). There’s a pretty interesting Feministing Community post titled The Narrative of the Masculine Hero in Slumdog Millionaire and Kung-Fu Panda;  Then, there are the Racialicious movie reviews: Perception Through the Lens of Slumdog Millionaire & You're The Man Now Dog: The Racialicious Review of Slumdog Millionaire. Controversial beefs with the movie are aired on the California NOW blog (The Slumdog Millionaire Controversy: Race, Class, Gender, and Colonialism), a needed reality check is delivered at Sacredcows.com (What ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ represents), and a film-geek offers praise at Season of the Bitch (Slumdog Millionaire).

While it is true that Latika and Jamal were way to pretty (hot, is the appropriate term, I think) & spoke in upper-class accents, we have to admit that movies do that kind of shit (the adjective “Hollywood” is synonymous with “fake”, right?). One gripe I did have with the movie that nobody else touched on was the closing scene. All that build up & that kiss? Weak! Maybe I’m just a perv, but I was expecting a way hotter embrace. On that note, I’ll take my leave from the subject.

Learning to Pick Your Battles: The Hard Way

Sometimes, I am dumbfounded by the level of stupidity folks stoop to. Amused by it, for sure! But also struck by just how unaware some humans seem to be. One such situation is the latest dip-shit move executed by Mr.Banana himself, Ray Comfort. The man earned that moniker in THIS video, where he “puts to rest” the non-theists position with the dumbest “proof” that god exists. Dude, I’ve had the divinity explained to me many times, by many different folks, & never have I been less convinced of the Almighty’s existence! THIS clip of Comfort on the 700 Club is even more ridiculous/hilarious! Now, it is completely alright to be ignorant, as long as you aren’t hurting anybody & Banana-Boy can preach to the brain dead choir until Judgment Day without me giving a shit one way or another. BUT,much to my amusement, he has decided to step his buffoonery up a few levels & challenge Richard Dawkins to a debate! A debate about evolution! Against Richard Dawkins! That, my friends, will be entertainment! Dawkins is a celebrated evolutionary biologist, former Oxford professor, author of The God Delusion, and known on the streets as Darwin’s Rottweiler. Ray Comfort offered $10,000 to Dawkins, in exchange for a chance to debate the man, head-to-head, because he really thinks he has a strong case against evolution! There are people that maybe quite capable of taking on Dawkins, those with strong theologically solid backgrounds, but Comfort is not one of those people by a long shot! Dawkins responded to Comfort’s challenge by upping the ante & requesting $100,000 in the form of a donation to his foundation, which financially contributes to needy secular charities (homepage HERE). This option is apparently too pricey for Ray, who has offered $20,000 as a compromise, but Dawkins ain’t having it. If I had to waste my time listening to some intellectually inferior dipshit that couldn’t debate his way out of a paper bag, I’d hold out for the big money too. I do wish the two would come to some kind of agreement, for my own selfish enjoyment, because that will make one fucking hilarious YouTube video. Fingers crossed!

Fine! I Admit It! Bitches really are crazy.

I hate to sell us out, Ladies, but the fact is We Are F-ing Crazy. Not “crazy” in that “She’s off the hook!” way that carries somewhat of a positive connotation, suggesting power and a no-bullshit attitude. Nope. Full-on, fucked in the head, distorted perspective of reality, padded walls & buckled jackets type of “crazy”. It is hard to deny this fact when you stop & consider the way we see ourselves, each other, the whole of woman-hood. Who else but the truly crazy hate their bodies the way we do & try everything in their power to force their figures into impossible shapes and sizes? Who else but the mentally ill would subject themselves to such levels of self loathing rooted in aspects of our physical appearances that we have no control over? Is it not abnormal to have such distorted visions of ourselves, to be blind to our own fabulousness because one minor flaw sticks out in our minds above all else? What about the way we detach ourselves from our bodies? As if the mind & the bod were mutually exclusive entities; one having to babysit & regulate the other, which never seems to project the person we are inside no matter how little we eat, how much we spend on our beauty regime, or what ridiculous women’s magazine “advice” we follow to the letter. It’s not like being a female is one long trip to Wakko World; don’t get me wrong! At some point after high school is over, you learn to give yourself a break now & again. BUT, it never really goes away does it? You still have spats of the “crazy” & you still judge other females by the book’s cover, so to speak. Self-loathing is either less extreme these days or it’s so much a part of your day-to-day that you notice it less than you used to, but either way it’s still hanging around; dictating your wardrobe choices, shot-calling when it comes to how much time you spend “getting ready”, and regulating when it is that you draw attention to yourself. I mean, shit! Look at the way advertisers speak to our inner crazy person to convince us to purchase their crap! Even they know what is going on in our heads, just how distorted our body image actually is, even if we aren’t all that quick to admit it out loud.

This one here is an ad for breast augmentation. Look how happy & healthy (& scar free) she is with her new fake tits! Don’t you want to be happy & secure enough to frolic about top-less? Yeah? Then buy you some silicone falsies, undergo a notoriously painful surgery that will increase the likelihood of breast cancer going undetected in it’s early (& easiest to treat) stages, run a 25-40% chance of having to undergo a second surgery to correct issues associated with the initial implants, and get used to the idea that your formerly normal breasts may now “leak”, “rupture”, “deflate”, “harden” from the presence of scar tissue around the implant, or result in irreparable nerve damage! Maybe even develop a Connective Tissue Disease! Still smiling? Despite the availability of this kind of vital risk information (here’s the FDA’s page on the subject), a whopping 399,440 women in the United States still bought into the bullshit in 2007. It is projected that over the course of the next five years, up to 179,748 of those ladies will undergo a reoperation to deal with complications (this is the FDA’s conservative estimate, BTW). Sounds like self-destructive crazy bullshit, don’t it?

And what about the mind-fuck we’re handed where food is concerned? The first ad, for Calvin Klein panty hose, just screams “Suck it in!” and we all know that bitch*** ain’t in need of the tummy & bottom control panels described in the ad copy. Is that even the lower half of a woman? A definite lack of curvature, a signature trait of the human female, makes me wonder. The second ad is accompanied by the copy “The pair you wear to cooking class will also look fabulous at your weight loss seminar.” WTF? Seriously? Can you sell us shoes minus the food/weight issues, please? And what would that slim woman be doing at a weight loss seminar? Anyone? If she’s in need of a fatty seminar, I’m way over due. The third ad sells us chocolate as a substitute for another guilty pleasure, expensive shoes. Not chocolate for it’s own sake, y’know cause it’s chocolate & tastes good? Nope, Hershey’s would rather appeal to our fucked up system of rewards be being “good girls”. Behaved yourself? Alright, you can indulge in a pair of shoes or a chocolate bar (just ONE though, fatty-fat-fat!). I mean, a food item can be associated with any other set of wants & desires EXCEPT those associated with eating. God forbid you acknowledge the candy for what it is! If you thought about the neurotic assumptions behind all these ads; that you might eat something & therefore need an excuse or explanation for your behavior, that you might have (ekk!) curves as a result of that eating, that you apparently only wear shoes to places associated with food or fasting; you might be taken aback by the Anti-Fatty messages being (excuse me) shoved down your throat. Or you might just (sorry) ingest the Skinny Minnie Ideology, just like the 75% of Glamour Magazine readers who think their “too fat”. Even you smart chicks aren’t above the bullshit on this one – a study of Stanford undergraduate & graduate students found 68% of their sample group felt worse about their looks after exposure to ads like the ones above. Even more annoying is the discovery that as we age, we tend to compare ourselves to advertising models more often & since we’re less likely to bare a resemblance, we’re more likely to be disheartened & depressed by the imagery. *sigh*

***See? Hostility much?

 

Is it really surprising that we see ourselves as a mish-mosh of woman pieces rather than whole female humans? And is it too much to ask y’all in the ad world to hook us up with an entire woman in a mo’ fucking ad? This bits & pieces shit is creepy & it’s gotta’ go, y’all. Might have been “cutting edge” way back when, but I think we can agree that it’s tired now. Thanks for the complex though!

And finally, my most favorite line of crap that I am as likely as any other broad to buy into…

The Photo Shopped Skin in Beauty Product Advertisements! Never a flaw! Not in the teen years, the twenties, thirties, on up to however fucking old Diane Keaton is in those fucking L'Oreal ads. My bucks fly like confetti when these ads invade my space & I’m not even gonna’ front by telling you I don’t believe the crap I’m told in the ad copy. In fact, it’s probably the only bullshit I believe at face value, without question; it’s sort of my theological belief – that said beauty product shall bestow promised results upon the believer, Amen!

Crazy bitches or what? Honestly?

Ms Maryjane Foxie’s All-Time Favorite Broads on TV

**** Californication’s Marcy: The naughty little smurf (formerly) married to Hank Moody’s publisher/best friend, Charlie Runkle, is one potty-mouthed bad ass & I love her for it. She runs a salon specializing in pubic hair eradication, she obliges her man with a threesome (even though it ends in disaster, she still goes there!), and all the while she juggles her own drug abuse demons & her philandering husband with style! This scene from season 1 is the best pre-wedding pep talk ever! Far too many good lines to quote just one, so just watch the video.

**** Veronica Mars: Being super girly & being kick-ass shouldn’t have to be mutually exclusive traits & the character of V. Mars proved how well the two go together in the detective-teen drama-comedy series, Veronica Mars. She’s witty, she’s smart (assed), has a normal healthy attitude towards sex & shit, PLUS she’s a little damaged without being emotionally retarded or unrealistically bulletproof. Played by one of the few blond actresses that I think is beautiful, Kristen Bell (from Forgetting Sarah Marshall), Ms. Mars is dearly missed; three seasons just wasn’t enough.                   

**** Nancy Botwin of Weeds: She’s flawed, beautiful, intelligent, and damned thuggish when she needs to be. She fucks when she sees fit (sometimes that causes trouble, but isn’t that the case in real life?), she loves her kids but isn’t some selfless drone like too many TV mothers, and she is one unexpectedly successful pot pusher on a show that is not only realistic about the ups & downs of the biz, it is also written & directed by a female (Jenji Kohan) which is a rare occurrence these days. This video features Nancy handling a screwed up situation as best as she can. When this prick won’t give up the brick she came to retrieve without her performing a “brick dance”, Nancy shows them assholes how a white girl gets down. 

**** Tara on True Blood: My most favorite character on my most favorite vampire show ever! Tara is BFF with the show’s lead character, Sookie Stackhouse, & this bitch has a mouth on her! She’s got a temper problem, but who wouldn’t when your mom is intent on killing herself by drowning in booze? Tara definitely gets some of the best monologues in the series & I am looking forward to more of her lip in Season 2. This clip features Tara showcasing her excellent customer service skills.

**** Lindsay of Freaks & Geeks: It was such a shame that Freaks & Geeks only lasted one season, especially since it had one of the most believable female teenage characters ever on TV. Lindsay navigates the scary world of high school without resorting to tired TV stereotypes of what teen girls act like. Bravo! This clip features Lindsay stoned out of her gourd on a good ramble about the universe & existence.

**** Joy Turner of My Name is Earl: Joy is soooo running shit! This clip features the trailer park queen getting hers!

**** Darlene Conner of Roseanne: I LOVE ROSEANNE & dearly miss the program. Obviously, my favorite daughter was Darlene & even though it ‘s totally weird to date the brother of your sister’s husband, I forgave that minor quirk & kept the character as one of my personal role models. Honestly though, Aunt Jackie is a close runner up. Since I couldn’t find a Darlene vid, I decided to post this hilarious clip of Dan, Roseanne, and Jackie stoned.  

**** Daria Morgandorpher & Jane Lane of Daria: I have watched every Daria episode several times & have yet to tire of her dead pan humor & outcast persona. The best spin off of Beavis & Butthead, wouldn’t you agree?

**** Dana Scully from the X-Files: Gillian Anderson’s most distinctive role ever will always have a place in my heart because Scully’s “But Mulder! What about Science?” attitude was the perfect counterweight to David Duchovny’s mentally off-balanced Fox Mulder conspiracies. I would have totally flipped the channel had someone not been around to point out how nuts half his ideas were!

 

Who are your favorite TV ladies?

Fuck pinching pennies while poverty reigns supreme!

Americans need to stop thinking of our government as a money making entity, like a corporation or company of some sort. The United States of America does not have to answer to shareholders or an investor’s board. America does not need to show a profit on it’s financial reports or guarantee dividends to anyone on a quarterly basis. In case everyone has forgotten, the sole purpose of a government is to protect the welfare of it’s citizenry. So, in these financially fucked times, the government should be expected to address the needs of the American people and maintain a standard of living in this nation that we can be proud of. We should not be concerned with whether or not they spend a shit load of money in this stimulus package (or in the following packages that will inevitably come) because that is what the fuck the money is in their hands for. Taxes are collected to service the communal needs of our people & holding back grant money or welfare funds or any other entitlement cash in the name of fiscal responsibility is unacceptable. How can we consider our nation among the greatest in the world when we allow the working class to become paupers & virtual serfs? How can we be proud when we allow our nation’s children to receive sub-standard educations or sit back while our system of higher education becomes the province of the wealthy because average folks can’t afford to continue their schooling? Is this really the “land of the free & the home of the brave” if we allow the wealthy few to run cowardly from their social duty crying foul, when they have been sitting pretty for the past eight years, benefitting from Bush’s tax cuts, from no-bid contract deals, from reduced regulation and other such bullshit? I’m sure you can agree that allowing our nation to slip into economic depression and then abandoning the masses in order to protect the wealth of the few is a detestable and shameful course of action. How is the GOP’s stance on the stimulus package any different? With that having been said, I leave you with some thoughts on the subject from some of the planet’s greatest minds:

 

“Poverty is the worst form of violence.”  -Mahatma Gandhi

“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish”   -Mother Theresa

“Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.”   -Mae West

“In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of.”    -Confucius

“The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all.”    -G.K. Chesterton

“I believe that, as long as there is plenty, poverty is evil.”  - Robert Kennedy

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”  -Aesop

“Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions.”   - Edward R. Murrow

“Laws for the liberal education of youth, especially for the lower classes of people, are so extremely wise and useful that to a humane and generous mind, no expense for this purpose would be thought extravagant.”  - John Adams

“States are not moral agents, people are, and can impose moral standards on powerful institutions.”  -Noam Chomsky