The Reason for the Season

I am thoroughly annoyed by those historically ignorant Christians that try to remind us heathens every December that the immaculate birth of Jesus Christ “the reason for the season”. There is always a Letter to the Editor in my local paper that berates the community for “forgetting” this or one that complains about some folks in customer service using the phrase “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas”, as if America is some Christian theocracy & it is our patriotic duty to publically praise Jesus or some shit. The thing that bothers me the most about Christian’s claim on the X-Mas holiday is, here in the States, we celebrate Christmas in a consumer-oriented fashion, with a big emphasis on buying, giving, & receiving gifts. Christ was the original anti-consumer, urging his followers to forgo earthly pleasures in their quest for eternal salvation. Seems to me that J.C. was booted from the American X-Mas scene quite a long time ago; whenever Santa Claus & his sack full of earthly pleasures hit the scene. Anyhow, before the religious blowhards start to test my nerves with their “reason”-ing, I suggest we recall the actual origins of our beloved X-Mas. That way I can prepare shitty, yet truthful, responses to those that complain about my supposed ignorance, just in time for the holiday!

Pre-Christian Era in Europe: Celebrating Solstice Styl-ee

                                               

In the Northern Hemisphere, particularly in Europe, the Winter season has always been kinda’ sucky. Depending on where you’re at, it could be snowy, rainy, or just fucking cold. The days are shorter, food supplies run low, and before the invention of electric blankets, the weather really made shit unpleasant. To keep people from losing their God damned minds during the cold months, most civilizations would have a balls-to-the-wall celebration in mid- to late December that would give folks something to look forward to. Celebratory feasting during mid-winter was popular because agriculturally based communities weren’t doing much planting or harvesting (compared to the rest of the year) & these parties marked the last Big Ass meal folks were going to see for awhile, plus lots of livestock was slaughtered to avoid having to feed the mother fuckers during the winter months, so unlike the rest of year plenty of perishable meat was ready for consumption. Party beverages, like beer & wine, spent most of the year fermenting and conveniently would reach their peak alcoholic content levels just in time for these winter get-togethers. The Winter Solstice, a popular focus of these winter festivities, marked the cold season’s turning point & from that day forward the days would get longer & more hospitable temperatures were on the way. The solstice, according to the old school Julian calendar, occurs on December 25th, which explains the date of modern X-Mas celebrations. Check this out: The solstice shin-digs celebrated the Rebirth of the Sun, since from then on the days got longer right? The Christians later transplanted the holiday to celebrate the Birth of the Son. Hmm…

Before the Christian community called dibs on the season, there were slews of regional versions of the winter holiday. Traditional rituals & symbols of these celebrations were adopted by Christian missionaries & linked to Christmas, so as to make conversion as easy as possible. After all, most folks aren’t about to forgo the year’s tightest party just because some new fangled theology ain’t feelin’ it.

MEAN GEIMHRIDH (Irish translation “midwinter”): A generic label used to describe the various celebrations of Ireland’s Celtic tribes and the Druids, dating as far back as 3,200 b.c.e. The early occupants of Ireland were definitely serious about their solstices, as illustrated by the pre-historic sites found in Newgrange (pictured below) and Maes Howe that exhibit their perfect solar alignment on the day of the winter solstice. Ancient Welsh celebrations were associated with the birth of the divine character, Pryderi. Druid festivals are still commemorated on December 26th; Wren Day to the Irish & Welsh and Mummer’s Day (or Darkie Day) to Cornish folk. Festivities used to include the slaughter of a wren, followed by groups of revealers going door to door, singing songs in exchange for food & a good time.

                      

MIDVINTERBLOT (or mid-winter sacrifice): The Swedish polytheistic tribes honored the season with animal and human sacrifice until Christian missionaries finally ended the practice around 1200. Priests would perform the ritual sacrifices at cult sites, sometimes blessing the attendees with the blood of the sacrificed. In group prayers, people asked for fertility, good health, a good life and peace and harmony between the people and the powers in the year to come. One such sacrifice is pictured below.

                               

LENAEA, BRUMALIA: Ancient Athenians, Greeks, and Romans honored the god Dionysis in this all-girl mid-winter ritual, called the “Festival of the Wild Women”. Early in it’s existence, a ritualized killing & eating of a man in a secluded wood area was followed by the “magical” wine miracle, during which priests would present a concoction that was once grapes & water but had become intoxicating wine drink. Eventually, the male sacrifice was replaced with a goat & celebrations expanded to include drunken theatrical competitions. I can emphasize with the wild women of the Dionysis celebrations, because sometimes when I get drunk with a bunch of my home-girls, I want to tear men to shreds too.

                                          

ZAGMUK (or SACAEA): In Ancient Mesopotamia, the Sumerians & Babalonians celebrated the sun-god, Marduk, & his battle against the darkness for 12 days with parades on land and through rivers. The festival was marked by a subversion of the regular social order; masters and slaves interchanged, a mock king was crowned, and masquerades clogged the city streets.  

                                                                      

ZIEMASSVETKI (“winter festival”): Ancient Latvian & Baltic people celebrated the birth of their highest god, Dievs, on December 24th. Feasts always contained bread, beans, peas, pork, pig snout & feet. Carolers (Budeļi) went door to door singing songs and eating from many different houses. In the Middle Ages, Christians in the region adopted the celebration and it is now held on December 24th, 25th, and 26th. 

SATURNALIA (Roman) or KRONIA (Greek): The Greeks had the festival of Chronos & the Romans celebrated the commemoration of Saturn’s temple from December 17th to the 23rd in their biggest annual shin-dig, during which revealers would let loose & party hardy. Gambling was allowed, sacrifices were made, and merriment ensued. Slaves were exempt from punishment during Saturnalia & were even allowed to diss their masters, since the holiday was also celebrated with a temporary role reversal between servants & served at formal dinner parties. In 274, the Roman emperor Aurelian adopted the sun god called Sol Invictus (“the unconquered sun”) & made him the primary deity of the empire. Sol Invictus wasn’t exactly a single god; he was more like a generic representation of many solar deities found throughout the empire. It is believed that Aurelian also set the date for the honorary festival on December 25th, Dies Natalis Solis Invicti (“the birthday of the unconquered sun”), & it eventually took the place of Saturnalia. Aside from the similarity of the dates, these Roman celebrations lent the practice of gift giving to the modern X-Mas holiday.

                                                        

YULE (or Jul, Joulu, joul, etc.): This one was celebrated by pagan Germanic peoples from late December to early January, based on the lunar Germanic calendar until the introduction of the Julian calendar, when the holiday was firmly planted on December 25th to coincide with Christmas. Celebrations throughout Northern Europe involved feasting & ceremonial slaughter, as documented in the Icelandic sagas and Medieval historical accounts. Yule was, and is, primarily celebrated in the cold-as-fuck region that covers Scandinavia (Finland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Iceland) & Northern Germany. Understandably, fire and it’s associated pagan deities were central to Yule events. Plenty of modern Christian symbols & themes originated with this Scandinavian celebration. It is believed that Scandinavian Yule symbolism is so strong in Christmas tradition because Northern Europe was the last region to convert to Christianity and so it’s pagan culture has had less time to be diluted or redefined by the Church. Some of these surviving Yule symbols include (obviously) the Yule Log (honoring the life-saving warmth of fire during those freezing Scandinavian winters & pictured below), The Twelve Days of Christmas (The Yule feasting party lasted… wait for it…12 days!), and the Christmas Ham (The ritual of slaughtering a boar during Yule was meant to honor the pagan god Freyr on his feast day, December 26th).

                                                                                

Christmas Cometh: Happy Birthday, J.C.!

We’ve established that all over Europe people were celebrating life & commemorating the solstice in various ways before Christianity held sway over the continent. But then what happened? By the 4th Century, Christianity became a major force in the Western world & The Church, centered in Rome, pretty much started to run shit. From it’s beginning, the immaculate conception & the nativity were central to the theology of the Church, but no where in the New Testament does it give a date for the birth of Christ. The first time commemoration of the nativity on December 25th is mentioned is in the Roman manuscript Chorography of 354 & the holiday had minimal popularity throughout the rest of the century, with various pope’s condemning it & embracing it as they saw fit. It wasn’t until Charlemagne was crowned Emperor on Christmas Day in 800 c.e. that the celebration finally got some notoriety.

                                                         

It is pretty obvious that the actual birthday of the man that would become known as The Savior is not found in late December. First off, the shepherds that were said to be tending their flocks when Christ was born would not be doing that sort of thing in the ass-chilling December weather. The sheep, or whatever livestock the shepherds oversaw, would have needed to be sheltered from the wind, rain, and cold during the winter season. Secondly, Mary & Joseph were in Bethlehem because a Roman law required them to travel there in order to register for a census. These census’ were not done in mid-winter because roads were difficult to travel & it wouldn’t make sense to send census takers on a mission they could not complete. The bible does indicate that when Jesus was conceived, the mother of John the Baptist was six months into her pregnancy. Biblical accounts indicate that while serving at a distant temple as a priest, John’s daddy got a divine heads-up he would be a father & when he returned home in mid-June (according to historical records), he & his wife got down to business. Nine months later, in March, John was born & if you add six months to that, J.C. was likely born at the end of September.

                                                      

Haters Diss the Holiday & Try, Once Again, To Fuck Shit Up For Everybody

Puritans, as their name suggests, were up-tight fuddy-duddies and whenever possible, they tried to force their un-fun habits on others. Christmas was one of their main targets in the 17th century, both in England and the New World colonies. In1697, when King Charles I was overthrown in the English Civil War, the new Puritan rulers of Britain banned the holiday and inspired angry rioting throughout Canterbury and other English cities. They locked up the churches to prevent Christmas festivities & caroling was considered an illegal, lewd, and profane practice. It wasn’t until King Charles II was restored to the throne in 1660 that the Christmas season was brought back to England, but after years of hearing how evil and corrupt the old ways were, Christmas was brought back with a more somber & religious tone to it. In the colonies, these same Puritan party-poopers banned X-Mas in their New England settlements, but colonists in other regions celebrated the holiday as they saw fit. Protestants disliked Christmas because they saw it as a tradition of the Roman Catholic Church that should be done away with, just like the sale of indulgences and the Pope’s religious leadership. They were annoyed by Christian celebration that included so many elements of pagan holidays. Never the less, people like to party so the pro-Christmas masses eventually won the battle.

                                                      

X-Mas survived another assassination attempt after the American Revolution, when former colonists saw the holiday as an English thing & along with tea, cricket, and The Queen, America dropped it because it wasn’t down with their British bullshit. During the war, in fact, General George Washington and his forces intentionally attacked the opposition on Christmas Day without regard for a holiday we now consider holy. Fuck ‘um with a yule log, I suppose was approach.

Christmas nearly died out in the States until it was revived by literary authors in the 1820’s. Clement Clarke Moore’s poem A Visit From St. Nicholas (“Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house..”) was published in 1822 and popular author Washington Irving wrote many short stories about X-Mas family celebrations that American’s would mimic in their own homes. The final notification of Christmas’ comeback was the instant success of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, published in 1843. These written interpretations of the holiday lacked the crazy, balls-to-the-wall, public hedonism of prior years and emphasized the family aspects, the compassion, and the goodwill towards man stuff. American celebrations did not include the drunken door-to-door sing-a-longs of Old Europe, instead focusing on the nation’s children and their blasted happiness. Those authors also popularized the gift giving so central to today’s revelry. By the time Harriet Beecher Stowe published her book The First Christmas in New England  in 1850, Christmas shopping was a mighty economic force. Stowe’s tale included a character that lamented the loss of Christmas’ true meaning at the hands of a shopping spree. X-mas became a federal holiday in 1870 and since then America has pretty much embraced Christmas- shopping spree, pagan elements, biblical inaccuracy and all. Modern hold-outs to joining in on the fun, include Jehovah’s Witnesses and hard-core Christian fundamentalists, that continue the Puritan tradition of rejecting pagan symbolism associated with the holiday.

  

WTF? Who’s the Fat Guy?

Christians like to cite Jesus as the “reason”. American non-theists like to point to the family & generosity as their “reason”. Kids say it’s the presents. Slackers see it as a paid-holiday from work. I say it’s the booze-induced mayhem that draws me into the celebrating. But where the fuck does Santa & his eight tiny reindeer play into it? That fat fuck has been dropping down chimneys with swollen sacks and using elves as slave labor since popular German-American political cartoonist Thomas Nast drew St. Nick for Harper’s Weekly in 1863 (pictured below). Nast was also responsible for the donkey & elephant that represent the Democratic and Republican parties, respectively. He was loosely based on the gift-givers of pagan tradition and Odin, a top god-figure of Germanic mythology. St. Nick’s old school tales introduced the Christmas stocking, the creepy catologue of children’s behavior, and the threat of coal being gifted to bratty youngsters.

                                                                              

“Speaking of St. Nick, since when was Santa a fucking saint?”, you might ask. Christian historians look to Saint Nicholas of Myra to answer that question. This holy man is remembered for his charity to the poor. In one notable tale, Nicholas saved the three daughters of a pious Christian man from a life of prostitution by kicking them down dowries so they could marry instead of selling their asses on the street. How kind. Fun Fact: Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of pawnbrokers.

                                                                  

Mrs. Claus, the wife of the legendary interloper, wasn’t introduced until 1889, when Katherine Lee Bates made her the main character in the poem "Goody Santa Claus on a Sleigh-Ride". She has no real counterpart in pagan or Christian mythology, so I suppose us non-theists can claim her as our contribution to Christmas customs. As for the Christmas elves that run Santa’s whole operation, they come from Scandinavia’s house gnome folklore. Nordic authors & illustrators drew upon regional beliefs in these mischievous little people to birth the modern-day helpers of Father Christmas. The reindeer ride that Santa rolls through the ‘hood in originates with Moore’s poem, A Visit From St Nicholas, where we learn all their fucking names: Dasher, Donner, Prancer, Blitzen, Comet, Ajax, Tito and Vixen. In 1939, Rudolph the Reject Reindeer was invented by Robert L. May for Montgomery Ward’s advertising department. It is my personal opinion that Rudolph’s nasal problems stem from his methanphetine addition, rather than some weird unexplained glow-bug phenomenon, and that Santa recognized his potential as an excellent front man on the sleigh's team, since he’s spun the fuck out & ready to roll without complaint (unlike that lazy-ass pansy, Cupid). 

                            

Wrapping It Up: Get it? Wrapping it up!

In conclusion, the Christmas holiday is not owned by the religious types and has, in fact, been a human tradition for as long as we’ve documented that type of thing. Winter has always sucked & people like to avoid sucky-ness, so we party at the end of the year to forget our troubles, give thanks for the shit that keeps us alive, and maintain a sense of sanity that we hope lasts until the thaw. It’s cool to acknowledge the birth of Christ, if that’s your kind of thing, and if you consider the guy your savior, I think it’s the least you can do to celebrate his birthday. But, if your going to bash the way the rest of us commemorate the season, you best check yo’ self in my company. And if anyone suggests I remember the “reason for the season” and celebrate the holiday as it was meant to be celebrated, I’m going to suggest a drunken orgy in town square followed by the ritualistic slaughter of livestock.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have stockings to hang & booze to purchase. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Felix Navidad. Joyeux Noel. Bah Humbug, Bitches.

                                                                                

Rachel Maddow: Making the news something I can watch again!

I adore Ms. Rachel Maddow. It’s not because she’s the first openly gay anchor of a prime time news show. It’s not because she is a self-described feminist with obvious liberal political leanings. It’s not because she used to host one of my favorite Air America radio shows, Unfiltered, with none other than Public Enemy’s Chuck D. The main reason that I adore Rachel Maddow is she has made the news bearable for me to sit through. In this era of Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Chris Matthews, I find it excruciating to watch even a half-hour of televised news because the Talking Heads of the mainstream media outlets have the journalistic integrity of Stephan Glass and the debating skills of a toddler in the throws of a tantrum. They avoid asking the important questions & instead, waste my time by discussing the merits of Obama’s flag pin or whether America is ready for a female President. I blame these idiots for the downfall of our civilization since they are responsible for spreading the misinformation that so many Americans live their lives according to & they neglect their duty to keep the American people informed, thus perpetuating the idiotic state of the Republic. In contrast, Rachel Maddow keeps it real & handles the business at every weekday on her MSNBC show, The Rachel Maddow Show, which airs directly after Keith Olbermann’s Countdown & can be seen online at THIS website (or YouTube, if you want to avoid the repeticious commercial that MSNBC forces down your throat every two clips). If you have wondered where TV’s sane people are, look no further! Maddow & Olbermann host MSNBC’s most watched shows & that proves that plenty of other people are sick of O’Reilly’s guest abusing interview tactics and Chris Matthew’s idiotic (and sexist) commentary. Maddow’s show includes segments like Just Enough, where pop culture reporter Kent Jones runs us down on the fluffier side of the news, Talk Me Down, where Maddow goes head-to-head with experts on various issues that try to talk her down from her current opinion on the matter, Lame Duck Watch, where Maddow keeps tabs on Still President Bush, and Ms Information, where she calls out the important stories that have gone un- or under- reported. The show has enlightened my understanding of several current events (the stock market crisis, the auto industry loan-bailout) because Maddow has a way of breaking it down to lay-man’s terms without dumbing it down. She has taught me what a T-bill is, why we adjust the Atomic Clocks & why that even matters, and has explained The Bush Doctrine in terms of it’s illegal possibilities. She’s sarcastic, she’s smart, and she’s in-touch with the concerns & questions us Normal Folk have about the state of the Union. Whenever I don’t get specifics of a current political event, Maddow is my Go-To Gal. If I could be any TV personality it would be her (or, maybe, Samantha Bee).

The Executive Posse, or Barack’s Back-Up Squad

As Inauguration Day creeps closer & the mainstream media tries it’s best to avoid any discussion of President Bush, the hot topic seems to be Obama’s cabinet appointments. After all, the birds in your flock say a lot about your feathers, right? But then again, the nation didn’t give much of a shit when Dubya sent John “There Is No UN” Bolton to the damned UN or when he appointed a veterinarian to head up the Women’s Health Department or when he chose John Ashcroft as his first Attorney General after the man lost a Congressional race to a dead guy that wasn’t even on the ballot. Anyhow, I guess a look at Barack’s Posse to Be can’t hurt & a review of what these Cabinet members do might be beneficial. After all, these dudes & dudettes are the power-holders we didn’t even vote for, but they run shit just the same. [Pictures of Cabinet members are ordered chronologically, if you were curious. I like to be able to put faces on the policies I am annoyed with, so I've extended the privledge to you, Dear Reader]

THE BIG FOUR These are the highly coveted, most prestigious, and most influential Cabinet positions:

Secretary of State: Heads up the Department of State & is guru of foreign affairs. If there is negotiating to be done with a dignitary, embassies that need to be holla’d at, or non-military overseas policy to be determined, this is the go-to appointee. Currently held by Condi Rice, but she was preceded by Bush’s original Token Black Guy, Colin Powell. Barack has chosen one-time rival Hillary Rodham Clinton to serve, upon Senate confirmation that is. This appointment is notable because it shows that the Feds are coming to terms with the fact that women should be represented in White House positions that weald considerable power. Bill Clinton had Madeline Albright, Bush II has Condi, and now Obama has Hillary. It might be a while before a lady becomes Commander in Chief, but at least this Top Dog position has been de-gendered!

  

Secretary of Defense: This Secretary is all about the military & armed service concerns. (S)he advises on, formulates, & carries out defense policy, as well as supervises the Joint Chiefs of Staff (six military leaders that advise the civilian world about how shit is). Current SecDef is Robert Gates (named one of the nation’s best leaders by U.S. News and World Report in 2008) & Obama has offered him the position in the next administration. Gates is the successor to Bush’s most obnoxious cabinet member Donald Rumsfeld (“Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was that he said.”). Barack’s decision to retain Gates is notable as well. Instead of trying to start all over with a new & uninformed Defense secretary in the midst of two wars, Obama is banking on Gates’ know-how to assist with the clean-up efforts.

        

Attorney General: Top legal eagle in the States & head of the Department of Justice. This Sec is the chief law enforcement officer in the country & chief legal advisor to the Prez and staff. Currently held by Michael Muckasey (“not every violation of the law is a crime”…actually, that’s the definition of a crime!) since the 2007 fall of Alberto Gonzales (resigned after allegations of perjury & a politically motivated firing spree). Prior to the disgraced Gonzales, Bush appointed the mother of all idiots, John Ashcroft (opponent of desegregation legislation, covered the boobs on the Sprit of Justice statute, loved the War on Drugs & proved it by attacking California Legal Marijuana clinics & Tommy Chong). Barack has named Eric Holder. This guy served under Bill Clinton as the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia and the Deputy Attorney General, being the first black person to serve in both positions. He was also part of the crack legal squad that took down Michael Vick on dog fighting charges.

Secretary of the Treasury: Runs the Treasury & is in charge of finance or monetary matters. This sec. advises on tax policy, public debt, and is Chairman of the Social Security & Medicare Trust Funds. Currently, the dumbbell at the helm of our sinking ship is Henry Paulson (a.k.a. Billion Dollar Bail Out Boy)but Bush had two former SOT’s, including John Snow (disgraced by questionable ethics regarding his personal $10 million Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae holdings, so he resigned in 2003) and Paul O’Neill (Predicted the economic crisis way back in 2002 & suggested a tax increase, then objected to the Iraq invasion, so he was pushed into resigning in 2002). Obama is expected to appoint Timothy Geithner, a former career staff official at the Treasury that served under five different Secretaries of the Treasury.

THE REST OF ‘UM The Cabinet is also composed of the following 11 members. Don’t let the lesser sounding titles fool you, these folks are shot callers in the Capitol.  

Secretary of Homeland Security: Bush created this position in the wake of 9/11 & it is supposed to focus on matters of domestic safety. The SoHS is the boss of the Secret Service, the Coast Guard, Boarder Patrol, and FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency). The current Secretary is Michael Chertoff (co-author of the Patriot Act, force behind the Mexico boarder fence construction, scrape goat for post-Katrina wrath), who succeeded Tom Ridge (creator of the idiotic color-coded terror alert system). Obama wants Janet Napolitano for the job. Napolitano is currently Arizona’s governor in her second term, was the state’s first female Attorney General, & represented Anita Hill in her 1991 sexual harassment suit against Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. The general consensus in the progressive blog-o-sphere is that she will be the weakest link that right wing Senators will attack when the time comes to confirm Obama’s Cabinet appointees. Her approach to Arizona’s immigration issues focused on penalizing the people that hire illegal immigrants and she forced the National Guard to take on the responsibility of sealing the boarders, rather than take the Republican-friendly approach and attack the immigrant population with discriminatory policy and policing efforts. This will not go over well with the Good Ol’ Boys in Congress, no matter how much sense it makes to you or I.

  

Secretary of Commerce: Focused on business & industry (as if any aspect of the Bush Administration isn’t). Currently it’s Carlos Gutierrez (former CEO of Kellogg Co., supporter of the Central American Free Trade Agreement), preceded by Donald Evans (wanted to open Alaska’s wildlife preserve to oil drilling, former CEO of a major energy company). Obama has named Bill Richardson as his nominee. Richardson ran against Obama for the Democratic nomination until he dropped out of the race in January 2008. He is currently in his second term as New Mexico’s governor. Under Clinton, Richardson served as energy secretary and UN ambassador. He served seven terms in Congress and is considered one of the nation’s most accomplished Hispanic politicians. I guess the best way to keep your fellow Dems on your side is to put them on your team.

          

Secretary of Labor: Advises on legislation addressing unions, the workplace, and business-person controversies. This is the Cabinet position held most by female appointees. I guess women in the workplace are appropriate on the federal level. Elaine Chao (villainess of the worker’s safety crowd & alleged corporate tool) is our current SOL & is the only Cabinet member to serve under Bush for his entire tenure. Obama has picked another gal, Carol Bellamy to follow. She has been the Director of the Peace Corps, Executive Director of UNICEF, & currently serves as CEO of World Learning, an international organization that promotes global citizenship through educational programs in 75 nations. Man, I am glad to see the smart folks returning to the White House en masse.

    

Secretary of Health & Human Services: This position is supposed to be concerned with the human condition & the Sec is responsible for advising the Pres on matters of health, welfare, and income security programs. The SoHaHS is supposed to carry out health policy & educate the populace about the government’s programs. It is currently held by Mike Leavitt (believes avian flu is the biggest threat to the USA, has been called out for questionable tax evasion practices), who succeeded Tommy Thompson (key player in Bush’s campaign to remove science from health research, attempted to withhold true costs of Medicare Prescription Plans from Congress). Obama wants Tom Daschle in the position. Daschle is a former Senator & leader of the Senate Democrats during their minority days under Clinton. He was a target of the 2001 Anthrax Attacks perpetrated in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy & it is believed that he was targeted because of his support for a woman’s right to choose. Critics of Daschle’s nomination, myself included, are concerned that his long established ties in Washington make him a seasoned politician, which is exactly what we (I) don’t want in the White House. Obama is a refreshing change to Business as Usual because he lacks experience playing the Washington political game, but Daschle is well versed in the Way Things Go in the Capitol. We’ll see I suppose…

Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs: Addresses matters related to veteran’s benefits. Currently held by James Peake (the operator behind the disastrous military health care system now in place), preceded by Jim Nicholson (notoriously downplayed the numbers of mentally ill veterans), who was preceded by Anthony Principi (after leaving office, he headed the company that got busted for overcharging the Dof Vet Affairs for veteran’s physicals). As of yesterday, Obama named retired General Eric Shinseki to the post. Shinseki was the first Japanese-American four star general in the Army & is best known for locking horns with Donald Rumsfeld over the Iraq invasion & the inadequate number of troops the Bush Administration initially sent into battle. Our veterans & troops will no doubt appreciate having a SoVA that actually is concerned with their wellbeing, rather than just another mouth piece for state propaganda.

No Word Yet The remaining cabinet positions have yet to be named to Obama’s Dream Team, but speculation is abuzz among political pundits & junkies. Political junkies, not heroin junkies (they aren’t much for Cabinet appointments, I’m told).

Secretary of Education: Obviously this Secretary is all about the book learnin’. Currently, Margaret Spellings holds the position (she was one of the principal authors of No Child Left Behind, is vocally anti-gay, & has been called out for being “asleep at the wheel” where student loans are concerned by allowing corruption and conflicts of interest to spread). Before her, Bush had Rod Paige at the Education helm (he hired the dude that planted propaganda about No Child Left Behind & was fined for his actions). Possible Obama picks include Caroline Kennedy (yes that Caroline Kennedy), Chicago’s school chief Arne Duncan, NY’s school chief Joel Klein, Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius, and Virginia governor Tim Kaine.

 

Secretary of the Interior: Overseas the Bureau of Land Management, the U.S. Geological Survey, the Bureau of Indian Affairs, the Fish and Wildlife Service, and the National Park Service. (S)he also appoints citizens to the National Park Foundation board. Basically, this Secretary is a glorified groundskeeper, but power is found it the Interior’s control of coal & mineral deposits on public land, off-shore oil, and hydro-electric dams. Most of the time, the Interior position is held by a person from the Western States. Current Bush-guy is Dirk Kempthorne (holds the all-time record for protecting the fewest species during his tenure & is being sued for playing favorites with New York Indian casinos), previously it was Gale Norton (was involved in the Jack Abramoff scandal & is a hardcore supporter of gay discrimination legislation). Candidates under review for Obama’s Cabinet include Montana governor Brain Schweitzer, former director of the Fish & Wildlife Service Jaime Rappaport Clark, and Congressman Jay Inslee of Seattle.

             

Secretary of Transportation: What do you think this Secretary manages? The rails, the roads, the skies, yadda’ yadda’. It’s currently Mary Peters (the Teamsters run a firemarypeters site in her honor), was previously Norman Mineta (the only Democrat in Bush’s Cabinet & longest serving SoT ever). Possible Obama nominees include Minnesota Rep. Jim Oberstar, New York Transportation Commissioner Janette Sadik-Kahn, and Illinois Rep. Jerry Costello.

         

Secretary of Agriculture: Runs the United States Forest Service, the Food and Safety Inspection Service, the Food Stamp Program, & the Cooperative State Research, Education & Extension Service (it advises farmers & gardeners on planet shit). The newest SoA is Edward Schafer (thinks there is no problem with eating cattle that mysteriously dies), preceded by Michael Johanns (anti-gay marriage, anti-reproductive freedom, anti-environmental protections, apparently anti-sanity) and Ann Veneman (named Executive Director of UNICEF by Kofi Annan & was a possible Obama running mate candidate back in the day). Obama’s picks are very hush-hush right now, but I'll relay info as I get it.

    

Secretary of Housing & Urban Development: Obviously in charge of urban housing matters & concerns. I wonder if any of Bush’s appointees have ever lived in an urban housing development. His current guy is Steve Preston (appointed in April of this year without any previous experience in housing matters… at all… during a housing crisis), Alphonso Jackson preceded him (allegedly illegally distributed funds & contracts based on political affiliation, was named in the Countrywide Loan Scandal), and Mel Martinez came before that (he served as co-chair of Bush’s election campaign in Florida in 2000 & was one of the three Senators that pushed Terri Schiavo into federal courts). The newest Secretary maybe Obama’s close friend & CEO of Habitat, Co. Valerie Jarrett, South Carolina congressman James Clyburn, or Illinois’ congressman Jesse Jackson Jr.

     

Secretary of Energy: Deals with energy production & regulation, educating the public on energy matters, and developing new technology & alternate energy sources. Also responsible for nuclear waste disposal & maintenance of environmental quality. Currently held by Samuel Bodman (does not believe that greenhouse gases and global warming are linked), preceded by Spencer Abraham (jokes about being in porn as a youngster, wrote a bill to abolish the Department of Energy before he was nominated to head the mo’fo’). Potential energy Secretaries include General Electric Co.CEO Jeff Immelt, retired Army general Wesley Clark, or former Ambassador to Saudi Arabia & Mississippi governor Ray Mabus.