Men Doing Manly Things on Film: A Countdown

I am not a chick flick type of gal. Watching The Notebook nearly fucking killed me and when I am exposed to most films labeled “Romantic Comedy” the result can be uncontrollable nausea or violent outbursts. Some films I enjoy are not exactly masculine (think: Me Without You or any of John Hughes’ classics) & I would seriously kill for a decent female stoner-buddy movie, but my film preferences are far from the ridiculous fairytale tripe that Hollywood markets to the ladies. There are even certain actresses & actors that I avoid like the plague because they tend to star in shitty chick flicks more often than not; i.e. Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Colin Firth. One cinematic genre I do adore is Dick Flicks (term is copyrighted by maryjanefoxie, inc.). These movies have casts mostly composed of men, their plots involve manly activities like warfare or high-stakes gambling, and the best ones can be viewed by a mixed gender audience without complaints. They usually avoid gender stereotypes & hyper-sexualized female characters because their focus is masculinity rather than misogyny. Some of them are action flicks, some are comedies, some are crime dramas, but all of them are Dude Oriented without being Aggressively Anti-Female. Basically, the movies I am speaking of allow me to enjoy men at their best without offending my feminist ideals or my male companions. Think of Dick Flicks as being the type of movie that is Boyfriend Friendly, but watching it doesn’t actually require any compromise on your part. Next time your Dude du Jour is trying to force you into yet another screening of Total Recall or The Rock, may I suggest one of these alternatives?

 

1. 300: Men love it for entirely different reasons than us females & they don’t even know it. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you what happens in the movie, despite having seen it many times. Usually, I pay a lot more attention to movies with historical plots because I love to dissect their inaccuracies, but this one can do no wrong as far as I am concerned. All I remember is a bunch of sweaty half-naked men running around doing masculine things for two hours & I can find no fault with that. Just peep the screen shots…[If you wanted to like Troy, but thought it took itself way too seriously for being a movie about shit that might not have even happened... this movie is for you.]

 

2. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels: This Guy Richie masterpiece combines a kick ass soundtrack, a cast of accented hotties, and an interesting plot full of twists and turns that entertains gals & guys alike. If you’ve seen Snatch but have yet to view Lock, Stock… trust me, this one deserves to be high up on your Netflix queue. As was the case with Snatch, repeated viewings maybe necessary in order to fully enjoy this film. Those British accents take a minute to get used to & their slang is unfamiliar, but key to several excellent one-liners. Can I mention, once again, how much I love Jason Statham? He will always be my Turkish. [This is a film for fans of Guy Richie, of British working class blokes, or of fast paced plots that don’t allow for much blinking]

 

3. The Boondock Saints: This tale of Irish-born twin brother vigilantes cleaning up Boston’s mean streets is full of gun fights, organized crime villainy, and questionable morals… Just like action films should be! The Luck of the Irish, or maybe the hand of God, aids the twosome in their quest to take down local gangsters & they are joined by their dip-shit pal Rocco a long-term lackey for the Mob, their absentee gun-slinging father, and a homosexual sympathetic federal agent, played by William Defoe. Lots of topless moments (males, of course), fisticuffs, and witty dialogue. Watch the deleted scenes on the DVD version for some completely appropriate full frontal male nudity! Damn, I love me an Irish boy. I love two of ‘um even more. [You’ll like this one if you like action movies. It’s a pretty basic formula of guys, guns, and gangsters.]

 

4. Young Guns: Emilio Estevez, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Charley Sheen, Dermot Mulroney… all in their hay-day? Need I say more? [For you if you like Tombstone or similar modern-made Wild West-set films about justice, revenge, & a man’s duty.]

 

5. Casino: My favorite gangster movie ever. Joe Pesci, Robert Di Nero, Sharon Stone, shallow graves, gangland politics… it don’t get much better. This one is less about the hottie-factor of it’s actors & more about the way machismo can fuck everything up. Feminist or not, I want to bitch-slap Sharon Stone’s character every time I watch her piss away that magnificent closet full of clothes, all those gems & gold jewelry, not to mention the life insurance policy that is a mobster husband! Once she ties her kid to the bed so that she can go out in that god-awful gold pantsuit, I can only shake my head & mutter “dumb ass fucking broad”. No sympathy for the dipshits, y’know? [If you enjoy any of the other movies starring Joe Pesci & Robert Di Nero as Italian mobsters, you’ll like this one]

 

6. Reservoir Dogs: A botched bank job leads to tense times in this Quentin Tarantino classic. Mr. Pink (Steve Bushemi), Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen), Mr. White (Harvey Keitel), Mr. Blue (Some Old Dude), Mr. Brown (Tarantino), and Mr. Orange (Tim Roth) are probably my favorite of Hollywood’s bank robbers, successful or not. I cannot hear Stuck in the Middle With You without recalling that infamous ear slicing scene! This movie showcases Tarantino’s genius beyond a shadow of a doubt, in my opinion. The scene following the first one in the diner, when all the men walk in slow-mo while Little Green Bag plays & the opening credits roll, is damned smooth. Watching it makes me feel all gangsta’ & shit. [This is your kind of movie if Quentin Tarantino’s other gems entertained you, if your a fan of classic black-and-white heist movies, or if you just like a little grime with your undercover cop drama]

 

7. Fight Club: In real life, a fight club would seem infantile & ridiculous. In this movie it’s sublime in it’s hyper-masculinity, isn’t it? I am not a Brad Pitt fan, but even I can no longer deny his beauty after viewing this movie. Edward Norton is no ugly duckling either. Plus, you have an anti-authoritarian plot (fuck the capitalist system that enslaves us all!), power ballad enthusiast Meat Loaf sporting man tits, & the wonderful Helena Bonham Carter co-staring in this David Fincher film. I am Michelle’s stimulated frontal lobe…  [If you enjoy giving The Man a double helping of The Bird or if you just want to watch a dude go bat-shit crazy & lose control of his own head, this is the film for you]

 

8. Pineapple Express: A stoner-buddy action film birthed by Seth Rogan, Evan Goldberg, and Judd Apatow? Pure fucking cinematic gold! It’s a great comedy, a great action flick, and a great look at the one aspect of male-hood that I am truly envious of… dude friendships. Of course any real “I love you, Man” moments are followed by a series of gay jokes to temper the emotional depth of the scene, but isn’t that how most hetero- guys are when it comes to showing the bros love? Besides, Seth Rogan & James Franco are the most believable pothead characters since Half Baked gave us Thurgood Jenkins, Scarface, Kenny, & Brian. [If you loved Superbad & Forgetting Sarah Marshall but can do without the romantic sub-plots, this movie is for you]

 

9. The Departed: Combine several of my most favorite flavors of Man – the American-born working class Irish, the gangster linked to some ethnically specific mob, the vigilante cop with questionable morals – and add them to a complex Cop & Thug story chock full o’ double-crosses and backstabbing, get the ever-brilliant Martin Scorsese to direct it, bake at 350 for 15 – 20 minutes, then TA-DAH! You have The Departed. Leonardo DiCapiro, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen, & Marky Mark (HE WILL ALWAYS BE MARKY MARK TO ME) star in this prime example of what a Dick Flick is all about. [This is for you if you like any of those movies or TV shows about Boston’s Irish neighborhoods & it’s hyper-masculine street gangs]

 

10. The Usual Suspects: I can’t believe I almost forgot to include this excellent film! Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro, & the fat Baldwin star in this crime thriller about a pack of career crooks & a criminal mastermind with the best villain moniker EVER (It was Keyser Soze!). I’m not about to spoil the beauty of the film’s ending by giving away too many details here, but fuck the rest of the movies I’ve mentioned until you see this one. [If you like movies, you’ll like this one]

 

 

You might notice that I didn’t mention a single Kevin Smith flick. This is because I do not consider his work to be Dick Flick-ish. He writes about women better than most men can (see Chasing Amy) & he doesn’t exclude them from the View Askew universe or regulate them to unimportant supporting characters. The above mentioned movies lack this feminist aspect. Even if they aren’t intentionally misogynist, they are noticeably female-deficient. Hence the label “Dick Flick”.  So, I wasn’t dissing K. Smith by leaving his films off of my list. On the contrary, I was holding him in higher esteem by applying a broader definition to his catalogue of cinematic works.

The Watchmen: All the Blue Penises one girl can wish for

Last night, I saw The Watchmen at a local theatre & I still feel dirty. “Dirty” like I’ve been exposed to something that good little boys & girls should never have to witness. Why do I feel this way? It isn’t the film’s depiction of a U.S.A. ran by a four term President Nixon, although the thought did inspire a bit of nausea. It wasn’t the original Silk Spectre’s nostalgic reflection on the attempted rape she survived, although that was rough to witness. It wasn’t the annoyingly miss-matched & inappropriately timed coupling of the current Silk Spectre & the retired Night Owl, even if those sexy scenes were embarrassingly awkward. It wasn’t the pointless name dropping (Lee Iacocca? WTF?), the fact that Rorschach looked like Danny Bonoduchi, or the constant reminders that “the Soviets”/“the Commies" are major threats to America in The Watchmen’s alternate universe (we understood after a few mentions, no need to bring it up EVERY fucking scene!). The reason I feel so bothered by The Watchmen was all those blue, glowing, Dr. Manhattan dicks. I can honestly say that I have never seen so many blue penises in my life. It is possible that I have never seen that many regularly colored dicks in my life, but I definitely haven’t seen that many blue ones. There was even a scene which had at least six (maybe more) blue dicks on the screen at once! Gratuitous male nudity, much? I need awhile to process all those images of radioactive male genitalia before I am able to judge The Watchmen on it’s cinematic merits. I may need speak to a trauma councilor or something, because there are some images a girl can’t just bounce back from. An onslaught of blue cock is one of them.

** I was impressed with the opening sequence though!

Slumdog Millionaire as reviewed by a Low Class Broke Ass

 

Thanks to the Cousin, I had the pleasure of seeing Slumdog Millionaire this evening. Y’ know how everyone keeps saying the film is “beautiful” and “moving”? That’s because it is. No bullshit, fuck the hype. This movie was good and, I think, worthy of its Oscars. I already had a thing for Dev Patel (the actor that played Jamal), ever since I watched his early shit on British television (a teen drama called Skins), so my assessment may be partially influenced by a mini-crush on the lead actor, I admit. I think M.I.A. is a badass & her music is featured throughout the flick (I “think” she’s a badass, because I don’t know for sure; I can’t actually understand a lot of her lyrics and I don’t know a whole lot about Sri Lankan refugee culture, so my opinion is based on the music I’ve been exposed to and the whole Performing @ the Grammys While 9 Months Pregnant thing. I’m pretty convinced she can be described as a badass…). The story itself appealed to my faith in the resiliency of the human spirit. People can experience some fucked up shit, be constantly exposed to the worst aspects of humanity, and still find beauty, love, compassion for other human beings. That’s beautiful shit right there! That “what makes life worth living” stuff, I suppose. Slumdog Millionaire made my heart hurt, as it should, with it’s portrayal of the ravages of poverty. Real fucking poverty is painful acknowledge & children getting hurt /exploited is tough to stomach; I must have uttered “Oh, that poor baby!” under my breath dozens of times during the movie. It takes a serious yank to my heartstrings for that kind of maternal response to surface, so trust in the fact that this movie is properly described as “moving”.

My viewing of Slumdog Millionaire was quite timely, since a conversation about the film has sprung up in the blogosphere today, addressing the film from a social justice stand point and a feminist perspective. Mitu Sengupta has written an Alternet commentary, titled “Slumdog Millionaire: A Hollow Message of Social Justice” , in which he highlights the film’s “dehumanizing view of those who live and work within the country’s slums” and “disempowering narrative about the poor”. Prior to reading the article, I hadn’t noticed the way the movie did take on it’s subject with a paternal & colonial-esque manner, but…come to think of it… India was portrayed as a Third World nation of victims. I agree that “it [Slumdog]grossly minimizes the capabilities and even the basic humanity of those it so piously claims to speak for.” The way slum life is depicted is similar to the condescending way movies have tried to portray life in the modern broke-ass American family or the life of a child raised by substance abusers. Meaning: they’re always 100% negative situations, forgetting all the good shit, & make me think the writer/director/whomever has never even been poor/high/etc. so are unqualified to speak on the subject. I’m totally feeling the gist of that article. Although, I think Australia stunk of paternalistic storytelling much more than Slumdog. Hands down!

The character of Latika set off feminist spidey senses at Feministing.com & Samitha discusses it in Slumdog Millionaire wins Picture of the Year!. A similar argument is made here; that the movie depicts her as helpless and without agency. The discussion is continued at Bitch, PhD. (Samhita on Slumdog). There’s a pretty interesting Feministing Community post titled The Narrative of the Masculine Hero in Slumdog Millionaire and Kung-Fu Panda;  Then, there are the Racialicious movie reviews: Perception Through the Lens of Slumdog Millionaire & You're The Man Now Dog: The Racialicious Review of Slumdog Millionaire. Controversial beefs with the movie are aired on the California NOW blog (The Slumdog Millionaire Controversy: Race, Class, Gender, and Colonialism), a needed reality check is delivered at Sacredcows.com (What ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ represents), and a film-geek offers praise at Season of the Bitch (Slumdog Millionaire).

While it is true that Latika and Jamal were way to pretty (hot, is the appropriate term, I think) & spoke in upper-class accents, we have to admit that movies do that kind of shit (the adjective “Hollywood” is synonymous with “fake”, right?). One gripe I did have with the movie that nobody else touched on was the closing scene. All that build up & that kiss? Weak! Maybe I’m just a perv, but I was expecting a way hotter embrace. On that note, I’ll take my leave from the subject.

Ms Maryjane Foxie’s All-Time Favorite Broads on TV

**** Californication’s Marcy: The naughty little smurf (formerly) married to Hank Moody’s publisher/best friend, Charlie Runkle, is one potty-mouthed bad ass & I love her for it. She runs a salon specializing in pubic hair eradication, she obliges her man with a threesome (even though it ends in disaster, she still goes there!), and all the while she juggles her own drug abuse demons & her philandering husband with style! This scene from season 1 is the best pre-wedding pep talk ever! Far too many good lines to quote just one, so just watch the video.

**** Veronica Mars: Being super girly & being kick-ass shouldn’t have to be mutually exclusive traits & the character of V. Mars proved how well the two go together in the detective-teen drama-comedy series, Veronica Mars. She’s witty, she’s smart (assed), has a normal healthy attitude towards sex & shit, PLUS she’s a little damaged without being emotionally retarded or unrealistically bulletproof. Played by one of the few blond actresses that I think is beautiful, Kristen Bell (from Forgetting Sarah Marshall), Ms. Mars is dearly missed; three seasons just wasn’t enough.                   

**** Nancy Botwin of Weeds: She’s flawed, beautiful, intelligent, and damned thuggish when she needs to be. She fucks when she sees fit (sometimes that causes trouble, but isn’t that the case in real life?), she loves her kids but isn’t some selfless drone like too many TV mothers, and she is one unexpectedly successful pot pusher on a show that is not only realistic about the ups & downs of the biz, it is also written & directed by a female (Jenji Kohan) which is a rare occurrence these days. This video features Nancy handling a screwed up situation as best as she can. When this prick won’t give up the brick she came to retrieve without her performing a “brick dance”, Nancy shows them assholes how a white girl gets down. 

**** Tara on True Blood: My most favorite character on my most favorite vampire show ever! Tara is BFF with the show’s lead character, Sookie Stackhouse, & this bitch has a mouth on her! She’s got a temper problem, but who wouldn’t when your mom is intent on killing herself by drowning in booze? Tara definitely gets some of the best monologues in the series & I am looking forward to more of her lip in Season 2. This clip features Tara showcasing her excellent customer service skills.

**** Lindsay of Freaks & Geeks: It was such a shame that Freaks & Geeks only lasted one season, especially since it had one of the most believable female teenage characters ever on TV. Lindsay navigates the scary world of high school without resorting to tired TV stereotypes of what teen girls act like. Bravo! This clip features Lindsay stoned out of her gourd on a good ramble about the universe & existence.

**** Joy Turner of My Name is Earl: Joy is soooo running shit! This clip features the trailer park queen getting hers!

**** Darlene Conner of Roseanne: I LOVE ROSEANNE & dearly miss the program. Obviously, my favorite daughter was Darlene & even though it ‘s totally weird to date the brother of your sister’s husband, I forgave that minor quirk & kept the character as one of my personal role models. Honestly though, Aunt Jackie is a close runner up. Since I couldn’t find a Darlene vid, I decided to post this hilarious clip of Dan, Roseanne, and Jackie stoned.  

**** Daria Morgandorpher & Jane Lane of Daria: I have watched every Daria episode several times & have yet to tire of her dead pan humor & outcast persona. The best spin off of Beavis & Butthead, wouldn’t you agree?

**** Dana Scully from the X-Files: Gillian Anderson’s most distinctive role ever will always have a place in my heart because Scully’s “But Mulder! What about Science?” attitude was the perfect counterweight to David Duchovny’s mentally off-balanced Fox Mulder conspiracies. I would have totally flipped the channel had someone not been around to point out how nuts half his ideas were!

 

Who are your favorite TV ladies?

The Mainstream Media is many things, but “progressive” isn’t one of them

Rush Limbaugh is one of the most laughably ignorant blowhards in the country, yet people tune in to his programs & actually base their opinions on the shit he says. Sad, scary, and fucking stupid all at the same time. Thank you, feministing and Samhita, for this week’s Friday Feminist Fuck You devoted to the fat bastard, himself!

Fox News gets clowned by a comedian that says exactly what most of us have wanted to for sometime now. Thank you, Dude.

Comic
by luvnews

  President Bush was given a much-deserved hard time during a July 4th celebration at Thomas Jefferson’s historic estate, Monticello. For some reason, media outlets responded to the protester’s actions with shock or as if the shouts of “war criminal” and "fascist" we undeserved. At the moment, a video of the event is the most popular video on the BBC News website, located HERE. I swear, the newscasters, those Talking Heads on American TV, cannot be as dumb as they pretend to be. How could anyone be surprised by an Independence Day protest against the President? I'll bet he expected to be heckled, for fuck's sake.

Annual Independence Day Ramblings

While it is true that I have no qualms about critiquing my government or calling out the flaws in American society, it would be incorrect to assume that I don’t love my country. On the contrary, I am proud to be an American. I’m proud to inherit the United State’s legacy of innovation and progress. I am impressed by this Great Experiment that is the U.S. of A. In fact, I am so American that the freedoms guaranteed to me in the Bill of Rights are right up there with food, water, & shelter as essentials to life, in my opinion. I also believe we should be careful not to forget that dissension and rebellion are central to the American story. As a people, we have never been the type to go down without a fight. The very meaning & importance of the word Independence should not be lost in a sea of flags and nationalistic propaganda this holiday season. We have almost survived the Bush Administration & it’s complete disregard for the American Way, so this Independence Day should be a reaffirmation of what we believe in -our right to be free from the tyranny of government that does not represent the interests of The People. That having been said, it’s time to turn to lighter refection on what America means to me. Here are a few people, places, things, and concepts that I love this nation for (in no particular order):

Mae West: Hollywood’s original Bad Girl and an ardent defender of our right to free speech, Mae West deserves to go down in history as a patriot. She wrote, directed, produced, and starred in a risque Broadway play, titled Sex, & infuriated city officials raided the theatre and arrested her on public obscenity charges. She served eight days in jail, only to tackle the equally taboo topic of homosexuality in her very next play, The Drag. She was all about equality for women, for homosexuals, and for the transgendered way before that kind of thing was publicly acceptable & she regarded talking about (and engaging in) sex as a fundamental human right. Her movie career didn’t begin until she was 38 years old, but she rose quickly as one of the biggest screen stars of her time & eventually became the second highest paid person in the U.S. (next to media mogul William Randolph Hearst). When Hollywood’s Production Codes attempted to “clean up” movies in the early 1930’s, West responded by perfecting the art of the double entendre. Classic examples of West’s G-Rated sexual quips include: “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”, “When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better”, and “Between two evils, I always try the one I haven’t done before”. She remained in show business until the age of 85, never underwent any cosmetic surgeries, and surrounded herself with male hotties of her choosing up until her death in 1980 at the age of 87. A lifetime of art, of speaking her mind, of defying the morality police, of self-obtained financial success, of sex on her terms and unrelenting self esteem that anyone of us could find reason to admire…a truly American way to exist, in my opinion.

Federalism: The United States of America is the oldest surviving federation on Earth. Our individual state governments are protected by the Constitution and are in charge of most of the laws governing our communities. The federal government binds all 50 states and our various territories together, but is only granted very specific powers by the Constitution. The feds are allowed to coin money, declare war, sign treaties, and regulate interstate & international trade. Pretty much everything else is left up to the states (as required by the 10th amendment). The modern federal government uses it’s enormous cash flow to dictate how states handle other aspects of governing, but the states have held on to many of their powers none the less. Federalism allows me to live in a state that constitutionally guarantees my equal rights regardless of my gender, which the federal government has yet to affirm. Federalism allows me to live in a state that constitutionally guarantees my right to privacy and my reproductive freedoms in no uncertain terms (where as the federal Constitution implies these rights but doesn’t explicitly guarantee them). I get to live in the great state of California and those people that want state mandated morality can live in Kentucky or Texas. I shudder to think what it would be like to be subjected to the federal government’s loose interpretation of equality without California’s more stringent protections.

The Best Animation on the Planet: Anime fans might disagree, but I don’t give a shit because I’ve never understood the draw of dubbed action cartoons (get it? draw!). I was brought up on the good cartoons of eras past, baby! Hanna Barbara’s Flintstones, Scooby-Doo, Yogi Bear, Hong Kong Phooey, Secret Squirrel & Morocco Mole,  not to mention the weird commune living of The Smurfs and The Snorks. Warner Brother’s Studios hooked us up with the world of the Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Foghorn Leghorn. And from the animation powerhouse of Walt Disney came Donald & Daisy Duck, Mickey & Minnie Mouse, Goofy, Pluto, the Rescue Rangers Chip n’ Dale, and The Jungle Book’s Baloo. I loved Rocky and Bullwinkle, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Jem and the Holograms, Garfield and Friends, Inspector Gadget. My early teen years were blessed by The Animaniacs, Ren & Stimpy, and Dexter’s Laboratory. As I’ve pretended to grow up I’ve gotten to enjoy MTV’s Aeon Flux and The Maxx, Beavis & Butthead, Daria, Cartoon Network’s The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, South Park, Duckman, Family Guy, The Oblongs… Seriously, if you don’t get the point by now, your not going to.

Nachos: Quite possibly the world’s most perfect food. It is quasi-messy finger food suited to sporting events, carnivals, stoned movie nights, and late-night Taco Bell runs. In it’s most simple incarnation, a bed of tortilla chips is topped with cheese (nacho, cheddar, jack, Velveeta). The original recipe unveiled in 1943 also included jalapeno peppers. Variations on the basic brilliant nacho premise have included salsa, guacamole, sour cream, black olives, ground beef, steak, chicken, onions, tomatoes, and refried beans. Go ahead. Get you some.

                                  

American Music: Our country’s musical melting pot took native musical traditions, added those of West African slaves and the English, Irish, French, Spanish, Hawaiian, Italian… yadda yadda yadda… the end result is apparently a gold mine for musical innovation. America gave birth to jazz, the blues, country & western, R&B, funk, salsa, swing, bluegrass, and soul. Rock n’ Roll in it’s best forms is American – folk rock, psychedelic rock, arena rock, Southern rock, Chris Rock, and punk rock! There is New Wave and grunge, riot grrl and hardcore punk, thrash/glam/or heavy metal. As of late we have Emo, Scremo, and Ska. Hip-Hop music comes in multiple shapes, as well. There’s the old-school DJ style, the B Boy style, Gangsta rap from various coasts and regional areas, Dance Club Rap and G-Funk. Musical greats are born a dime a dozen in the states!  Aretha Franklin, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson, Russell Simmons, Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin, James Brown, Tupac Shakur, Carole King, Jimi Hendrix, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, George Clinton, Axle Rose, Steve Miller, Ann & Nancy Miller, Jim Morrison, Patti Smith, Kathleen Hanna, Madonna, Prince, MC Lyte, Bradley Nowell, Fiona Apple, and Adam “King Ad-Rock” Horovitz are all kick-ass Countrymen that shaped the American musicscape we enjoy today.

 

I Love the Internet

Getting stoned and watching Vh1’s I Love the [insert decade here] series is terribly entertaining. I say “terribly” because it is essentially a few comedians & random pop  culture icons repeating similar commentary, very base observations reiterated five or six times. Not exactly deep, but entertaining none the less. My favorite part of the shows is the “I LOVE that song!” moments it inspires. Today’s debut of I Love the New Millenium is responsible for the following playlist. A little bit of musical genius, a little bit of laughable pop swill, a little bit of nostalgia, results in an embarrassing sing-a-long. Some of these “gems” are best enjoyed when home alone (Nelly, I am so referring to you).

Before our booties were going “da-dah, da-dah”, how ever did us mere mortals choeograph our bar dance moves to the music? Sisqo revolutionized how we thought of our underwear…and in turn, how we thought of ourselves - life altering lyricism (like that corn ball over dramatic moral? Yeah, I’ve watched all the I Love the… episodes. Thank you, Michael Ian Black).

Nelly’s “Country Grammer” gave us that goal-inspiring line “Fucking lesbian twins, nah” and I, personally, have not been the same since. You haven't officially "made it to the big leagues" until you to are fucking lesbian twins, y'know?

The Who’s Baba O’Riley is a fixture on any of my Favorite Songs of All Time lists.

Back when Will Smith was The Fresh Prince, he and DJ Jazzy Jeff gave us this timeless ode to the Summer months. If you bumped this out your trunk right now, you’d still be hella’ tight. I promise.

Positive K’s “I Got A Man” reminds us just how bad the fashion was circa 1993.

G. Love’s fun and sorta’ sexy song about the perks of the “Booty Call” is a classic. I like the fact that the chick in question isn’t manipulated into the booty call situation, she is the instigator. You go, Girl.

Eve’s “Love is Blind” is a total downer. Excellent song, but in no way is it “uplifting”. Sorry. I was feelin’ it for a moment.

Ms. Jill Scott puts it down with “Gettin’ in the Way” & all y’all better heed her advice and back down before you smacked down.