Last night, I saw The Watchmen at a local theatre & I still feel dirty. “Dirty” like I’ve been exposed to something that good little boys & girls should never have to witness. Why do I feel this way? It isn’t the film’s depiction of a U.S.A. ran by a four term President Nixon, although the thought did inspire a bit of nausea. It wasn’t the original Silk Spectre’s nostalgic reflection on the attempted rape she survived, although that was rough to witness. It wasn’t the annoyingly miss-matched & inappropriately timed coupling of the current Silk Spectre & the retired Night Owl, even if those sexy scenes were embarrassingly awkward. It wasn’t the pointless name dropping (Lee Iacocca? WTF?), the fact that Rorschach looked like Danny Bonoduchi, or the constant reminders that “the Soviets”/“the Commies" are major threats to America in The Watchmen’s alternate universe (we understood after a few mentions, no need to bring it up EVERY fucking scene!). The reason I feel so bothered by The Watchmen was all those blue, glowing, Dr. Manhattan dicks. I can honestly say that I have never seen so many blue penises in my life. It is possible that I have never seen that many regularly colored dicks in my life, but I definitely haven’t seen that many blue ones. There was even a scene which had at least six (maybe more) blue dicks on the screen at once! Gratuitous male nudity, much? I need awhile to process all those images of radioactive male genitalia before I am able to judge The Watchmen on it’s cinematic merits. I may need speak to a trauma councilor or something, because there are some images a girl can’t just bounce back from. An onslaught of blue cock is one of them.
** I was impressed with the opening sequence though!