Anal Asshole

There is this dude (or dudette… maybe?) that resides in my hometown of Stockton, California & he is politically, spiritually, and unequivocally opposed to homosexual behavior. Gay marriage, anal sex, and equal adoption policies drive this fella up the wall. I know this because he hand-paints crude and explicit statements expressing his beliefs, then rolls about town with the sign affixed to the back of his truck (complete with American flags, swaying in the breeze). His exercise of free speech is not the Yes on 8! variety of homophobic baloney. It’s obviously-closeted self-hate kind of explicit crap that serves no public interest other than exhibiting how fucking ridiculous people can be. The Sign Guy is a part of the Central Stockton scenery and has been for sometime, because I’ve been aware of his antics for several years now. His Constitutional right to spew his hatefully creepy anti-gay propaganda via truck bed is protected & I respect that. Along the same vein, so is my right to discuss his public displays of homophobic hate speech and mock the ridiculousness of this Anal Asshole’s mindset. Welcome to the first installment of Anal Asshole: Ignorance in Motion.

Picture taken by Ms. sherockmarie (of Cousin fame). Investigative work brought to you by maryjanefoxie & Co. Enterprises.


Let us consider the arguments that Anal Asshole brings to the table:

1. Anal – homosex is being taught to children.

2. This is shocking enough to warrant a “Wow” qualifier.

3. That the “Younger & Baby And You” need to be protected from the horrors of Anal –Homosex being taught to children.

4. This sentiment is reflected in the Holy Bible (“the holy fucking bible, Son!”) in Matthew 18:6.

Things that make you go “For reals, dude? You’re, like, serious & shit?”. Just to clarify, Matthew 18:6 reads

“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (King James Version)

This biblical passage is, according to some, about the physical or sexual abuse of children & how a person that harms the “little ones” is better off dead. Considering this understanding…

5. Anal Asshole thinks that the Anal – homosex threat is harmful to the “little ones” & ought to be punished by death, if possible.


I wonder if A.A. read the rest of the gospel of Matthew, or the Bible for that matter. I am a casual observer of the Christian faith and I’m pretty sure that I Anal – homosex isn’t a big theme of the Good Book, what with Forgiveness, Love, and Christ-like behavior being higher on the list of biblical To-Do’s. I’m going to take it a step further with my assumptions and suggest that A.A. has little understanding of how the educational system works in the state of California, since I am clueless as to when he thinks we teach anal –homosex technique to minors (is that what the boys do in the other room during elementary school sex education? We learned about tampons & they got pointers on fucking? What a jip!). Anal Asshole reminds me of these guys…

Or this guy…

I open the subject of Stockton’s Own Anal Asshole: What do you think? Spotted him around town lately? Send me a picture of his latest sign or leave some PFLAG flyers in his truck bed if ever you’re in his Eden Park neighborhood. 

UPDATE: No sign observed tonight. Maybe tonight is his brainstorming evening, devoted to making up his next bigoted bullshit line & painting the new sign. Write that down.

No comments:

Post a Comment