I love and hate Men. Sometimes, I even pull off both seemingly opposite emotions at the same time. I love how men look, how they talk, how they smell, how they think. I hate how they don’t have to earn their dominance, how they discount my ideas and opinions based solely on my gender, how they think they understand me before they’ve even bothered to get to know me. There is nothing as attractive and aggravating than a self assured man. This, Dear Reader, is part of why us straight females are certifiably fucking crazy. At the risk of sounding like a hypocritical bigot, here are some other observations on the male species that I have accumulated in my travels in the wasteland that is Stockton’s singles scene.
1. No matter how much a guy says he likes strong & independent women, being one of these women puts you at a disadvantage. You run the risk of intimidating them, of emasculating them, of pissing them off just by being yourself. And that, My Dears, does not get you laid.
2. Black men seem to view me & my peers as trophies and marks. Maybe we represent a come-up, like pulling one of us White Girls is a Fuck You to White America. Dominating & pimping a white girl seems to be an ego related endeavor. Why is this? Whatever the reason, I’m done giving black guys my number because I’ve been disappointed every time & I don’t want to embed racist thoughts in my dome.
3. Middle Eastern men flirt with girls like me but they never bother to even get our number. Maybe it’s because they assume I think their al-Qaeda, maybe it’s because they don’t me attractive, or maybe it’s some other reason BUT either way, I am not having any luck pulling my own Slumdog Millionaire.
4. White guys are the easiest to offend with my aggressive personality and feminist ideology. Maybe it’s the same knee jerk reaction that makes them anti-affirmative action, anti-welfare, and anti-prison reform. Maybe it’s not. I don’t know yet, but I’m determined to figure this one out.
5. Younger men appreciate attention from females more. Older ones are more likely to be bitter and jaded.
6. Guys with girlfriends are fun-er and more interesting in bed, but single ones are more likely to sleep over and aren’t worried about scratches and bite marks, so fucking them is less worrisome.
7. Men that refer to their exes as Bitches, Whores, or Fucking Crazy are more likely to treat you like shit. Men that love their mothers make the best lovers.
8. Men that listen to Mad Guy/Sad Guy ballads kill my libido. Even more so than those that listen to Country music.
9. Cuddling is a trait of those still hung up on their ex.
10. I am better off approaching men while drunk, because their flaws are so much less annoying while wasted. I’m sure this has much more to do with me than it does with them.