Between a mouth and a hard place

I never trust men that don’t like oral sex. If they aren’t down with going down, they really shouldn’t bring that to my attention because they’ll end up looking like a misogynist or a closet homosexual in my eyes and that means No Nookie. I can take it or leave it, but I’m not about to screw somebody that admits they won’t venture south because they find the practice of mouth-to-beaver love unappealing. Basically, I take that as meaning the dude thinks pussies are nasty & that being the case, he probably shouldn’t be sticking his dick in one either! Certainly not mine, anyhow. I understand if a person is weary about oral between strangers and I even have some respect for those that place a higher value on the act of cunnillingus; waiting until a romantic relationship has advanced to whenever Pussy Eating Time is before going there. But if a straight male is adamantly opposed to giving face & has the audacity to vocalize such bullshit, I can almost guarantee that the dick ain’t worth the trouble, Baby. If the douche bag expects to receive a blowjob despite his pussy-phobia & is stupid enough to say that shit out loud around a perspective lover, not only should he be rejected, he should be promptly kicked in the balls. That will sideline his ass for the evening & save all the other ladies in the place from the grim fate of going home with a lousy lay. Might even prevent the wanker from procreating & spreading his malicious sexual mores to future generations.

More annoying than those dipshits are those fucking man-freaks that don’t like receiving oral sex. What the fuck is wrong with these men? Was it traumatic teeth-on-cock action? Ripped foreskin? Some kind of dick related injury? The only acceptable excuses I can think of involve some painful experience while in the mouth of a sadist or a retard. Even then, I’d expect a guy to get the fuck over it eventually. In my worldview, men should always act like getting head is a gift from the Gods themselves and most of the time, this is the case. Normally, the prospect of getting a BJ makes a guy super-excited – like they want to high-five themselves – and THAT is one of the primary goals of giving head! We, the Cocksuckers of America, take pride in our ability to inspire giddy, goofy, retard-happiness in our penis…er…partner. So, what to make of a man that doesn’t want head? Throws off this bitch’s game & I don’t like it one bit. A revelation like that makes me question the basic principals that I base my existence upon, like the shallow nature of male sexuality and the belief that blowjobs can tame the savage beast. Even more aggravating than the mental tailspin Anti-BJ types instigate are the physical repercussions of fucking these guys. A marathon sex session can become an endurance challenge when a gal can’t fall back on oral sex to give her vagina a break every once in awhile & that might cost the dude a call-back session. Anti-BJ-ers are usually under the impression that giving head is a selfless act women perform strictly for the benefit of the recipient & that idea is usually accompanied with other misguided sexual mythology they picked up from porn, like all women enjoy hostile breast fondling or ejaculation in their faces. This is why I distrust men that don’t jump at the chance to get head. I assume they must have ridiculous ideas about other bedroom activities as well and, like I always say, I never want to teach.


  1. I have heard about men who don't want BJs, but I cannot understand that. The weirdest example I recall was a woman I used to know years ago who had been married to some guy for 25 years who didn't like 'em for weird religious upbringing reasons. She, OTOH, was this hot, scrumptious BBW with a smile that lit up rooms and very pretty blue eyes--just gorgeous from head to toe. And there was nothing she wanted more than to just get on her knees in front of her husband and go to town. And he WOULDN'T LET HER!!! In-fucking-credible. She ultimately left him for a very well-hung guy (his nickname was "Mr. 9-Times-a-Night") who thought her preferences were just fantastic. Some guys are even stupider than the male average... and that's powerfully stupid! :)

  2. I'd have to demand that those religious reasons be properly cited, with biblical chapter & verse, before I'd let that line of hooey fly. Where exactly did the creator condemn oral sex? And if this was the case, what kind of an asshole diety are you worshiping?