Between a mouth and a hard place

I never trust men that don’t like oral sex. If they aren’t down with going down, they really shouldn’t bring that to my attention because they’ll end up looking like a misogynist or a closet homosexual in my eyes and that means No Nookie. I can take it or leave it, but I’m not about to screw somebody that admits they won’t venture south because they find the practice of mouth-to-beaver love unappealing. Basically, I take that as meaning the dude thinks pussies are nasty & that being the case, he probably shouldn’t be sticking his dick in one either! Certainly not mine, anyhow. I understand if a person is weary about oral between strangers and I even have some respect for those that place a higher value on the act of cunnillingus; waiting until a romantic relationship has advanced to whenever Pussy Eating Time is before going there. But if a straight male is adamantly opposed to giving face & has the audacity to vocalize such bullshit, I can almost guarantee that the dick ain’t worth the trouble, Baby. If the douche bag expects to receive a blowjob despite his pussy-phobia & is stupid enough to say that shit out loud around a perspective lover, not only should he be rejected, he should be promptly kicked in the balls. That will sideline his ass for the evening & save all the other ladies in the place from the grim fate of going home with a lousy lay. Might even prevent the wanker from procreating & spreading his malicious sexual mores to future generations.

More annoying than those dipshits are those fucking man-freaks that don’t like receiving oral sex. What the fuck is wrong with these men? Was it traumatic teeth-on-cock action? Ripped foreskin? Some kind of dick related injury? The only acceptable excuses I can think of involve some painful experience while in the mouth of a sadist or a retard. Even then, I’d expect a guy to get the fuck over it eventually. In my worldview, men should always act like getting head is a gift from the Gods themselves and most of the time, this is the case. Normally, the prospect of getting a BJ makes a guy super-excited – like they want to high-five themselves – and THAT is one of the primary goals of giving head! We, the Cocksuckers of America, take pride in our ability to inspire giddy, goofy, retard-happiness in our penis…er…partner. So, what to make of a man that doesn’t want head? Throws off this bitch’s game & I don’t like it one bit. A revelation like that makes me question the basic principals that I base my existence upon, like the shallow nature of male sexuality and the belief that blowjobs can tame the savage beast. Even more aggravating than the mental tailspin Anti-BJ types instigate are the physical repercussions of fucking these guys. A marathon sex session can become an endurance challenge when a gal can’t fall back on oral sex to give her vagina a break every once in awhile & that might cost the dude a call-back session. Anti-BJ-ers are usually under the impression that giving head is a selfless act women perform strictly for the benefit of the recipient & that idea is usually accompanied with other misguided sexual mythology they picked up from porn, like all women enjoy hostile breast fondling or ejaculation in their faces. This is why I distrust men that don’t jump at the chance to get head. I assume they must have ridiculous ideas about other bedroom activities as well and, like I always say, I never want to teach.