On Jealousy

I am going to come totally clean with this post, so give me a little credit & try not to diss my irrational train of thought to harshly.

I am just as likely as any other female to fall victim to the evil virus known as jealousy. Until someone invents a vaccine, I suspect that my immune system won’t be of any use in overcoming the affliction. It creeps up unexpectedly and quickly gains control of my normally rational mind, souring my mood and instigating a bout of depression. Jealousy is clearly the creation of some un-Godly being, since I can’t fathom when it would possibly be of any good use. One of it’s most destructive aspects is it’s entirely self contained nature. Jealousy is born inside our own psyches, caused by our own self-doubt and insecurities, and is directed at other people that may or may not even know what the hell is going on inside our twisted lil’ heads. Friends, acquaintances, kin, co-workers, or random passer-by's might be the focus of our jealous thoughts, but they don’t have to actually do anything to inspire our jealousy. Other emotions; like anger or lust; usually don’t arise without some participation from another person. Jealousy, on the other hand, can rage behind an otherwise calm facade without the other person even noticing what the hell is going on. This makes jealousy especially dangerous to personal relationships. The ‘J’ word is truly a stealth Weapon of Mass Destruction.

I was stricken by jealousy so intense this past week that I wasted an entire weekend. Unbeknownst to a friend of mine, I was overcome by my irritation and envy while we were out on the town. Our outing was intended to lift her spirits and make her new found single state a little more bearable. As any friend would, I was playing the role of Louise to her Thelma. By the evening’s end, I had grown weary of playing second fiddle. I’m pretty sure that my jealousy was masked well, since I can’t remember making any snide comments or throwing any hissy fits. Never the less, I feel terrible about it. I feel guilty and mean because she was in need of an ego-boost and I shouldn’t have be so bitchy inside my head.

Fuck Jealousy.

No comments:

Post a Comment