Relationship Advice from a Spinster

Something is very wrong with a large portion of the male population. Maybe it's in the way we raise our boys, maybe it's because society breeds them with an undeserved sense of entitlement and self importance. Maybe it's a side effect from the fluoride in the water supply or because the Cold War's nuclear weapon testing permanently mutated the male genetic code. What ever the reason that so many men suffer from Boy Disease, the effects are clear... most of us straight gals are convinced that Boys Suck. Clearly, homosexuality is not a choice because so many of us would have jumped ship that the future of the human race would be imperiled if it were. On that note, here's a list of behaviors & beliefs that are symptomatic of Boy Disease so that you, Dear Reader, might be able to diagnose it before it's too late. In no way is this list comprehensive, so feel free to chime in!

1. Men that continually blame their misdeeds as resulting from their experiences with former girlfriends that did them wrong, weak minded mothers (or mother figures), or the general nastiness of most women. He constantly says that ALL women are psycho. A healthy specimen may bring up these previous events, but does not rationalize the present by reviving old ghosts.

2. Men that expect forgiveness just because they have uttered the phrase "I'm Sorry". They grow impatient when everything is not forgiven & forgotten as quickly as they like, completely ignoring the fact that forgiveness is a process that cannot be rushed or coerced. Healthy males respect this.

3. Men that don't even bother to produce new excuses for habitual behavior. They dole out the same excuse that worked before, which is boring as well as bullshit. He never apologizes, or he apologizes, but in an oily way that implies that he won't make a commitment to not do it again, or in some way implies that YOU were the cause of the bad behavior - that you "triggered" him or "pushed his dysfunctional buttons".

4. Men that pick fights with their significant others so that they are free to do something that they know she will not approve of. Healthy men won't stoop to such chicken-shit ploys to do what they want & usually wouldn't have to, since their mates aren't paranoid about what they do without supervision.

5. Men that don't acknowledge their equal responsibility to their children, their lease agreements, their relationships, or other mutual engagements.

6. Men that appear allergic to honesty. At least when speaking to women.

7. Men that are selfish lovers, despite the fact that you give kick-ass BJs.

8. Men that expect your understanding of every emotional defect he may process, but disregards your emotional trauma as a Female Thing that you need to Get Over.The only thing he EVER says when you are in need of empathy/support is, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Or, in his true narcissistic fashion, he will mention how he has felt, or feels, the EXACT same way; hence; bringing the spotlight back over to him. AGAIN.

9. Men that suffer from Dangling Carrot Syndrome. This person throws money around to hook you, and make you believe that he is a generous person. Watch closely and you will see his attitude about money change over the months and years that you know him. The moment you are "hooked" either by moving in together or getting married, all of a sudden he is concerned about expenses and you'll find yourself nickel-and-dimed at every turn.

10. Everyone hates him - your friends, your parents, your siblings, people you randomly meet on the street, etc. This is a great indicator of Boy Disease, because people that love you wouldn't be likely to mislead you in this respect (if they are the type to do that, you might want to rethink your choice in homies too).

Learn it, know it, live it, People. You can thank me later (or remind me later, because I'm no less prone to picking up bastards than anyone else. Probably more so, in some cases.).

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